Dear President, we have empty jail. Love, Hardin
In Hardin, Mont., there is a 460-bed jail that opened in 2007 but has never opened for business. In Guantanamo, Cuba, there are about 240 inmates in a facility that President Barack Obama has vowed to close down as soon as they can figure out what to do with the remaining detainees. ... Is anyone else thinking what the economic development officials in Hardin are thinking? It is Greg Smith's job to make the facility useful, and he is trying to figure out how to make it available for the detainees. "We're offering our president an option," he told the Billings Gazette. "If he wants it, we have it available. ... How can we make it happen?"
Ladies, we know this: He's rich
There is a multimillionaire man in Detroit — we're not naming names because, well, we don't know it — who is looking for his soul mate. So, the obvious way to do that is to hire a person to find one for you. Famed matchmaker Janis Spindel is on the case and will be in Detroit next week to interview potential spouses for her client. She has vowed to spend the week "tearing the town apart until I find a wife for a really, really handsome, awesome man," according to the Detroit Free Press. Applicants can become candidates by submitting a $25 application fee. Not kidding. And if you make the second round, there is an additional $50 fee. Maybe that's how he became a multimillionaire.
Woman's ignoble statuary draws ire
There is a scandal afoot in the garden of Sandra Smith of Hunnington, England. Smith has a collection of about 200 gnomes in her garden, but the problem revolves around only three of them. They probably have cute names, but for brevity sake, they will be referred to as the naked ones. They aren't new. They've been there for 15 years. But a neighbor doesn't like them, not one bit. But now that the Town Council has found out about the statues — two busty exhibitionists and a man who couldn't hold it any longer — Smith, 64, has been ordered to cover them up. So she rolled her eyes and got them some little T-shirts.
Woman exposes loophole in tuck rule
Dyker Neyland has won a round against the dress code at Thomas Haley Elementary School in Irving, Texas. Neyland, whose daughter Javé is a second-grader, claimed that the code requiring shirts to be tucked in offended her Christian beliefs. "I don't want her behind showing," Neyland told the Dallas Morning News. "I don't want her body being exposed." The School Board voted 6-1 in Neyland's favor, saying that the board's handbook does not mention tucking. For the record, neither does the biblical passage Neyland cited, which dictates that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing (1 Timothy 2:9). So it's all in the interpretation.
Compiled from Times wire services and other sources by staff writer Jim Webster, who can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.