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The skinny

The skinny: Flags returned, thieves claim to be role models

Stealing stuff

Flags returned, thieves claim to be role models

It was 1976, and somehow, to four guys at Joliet (Ill.) Junior College, it just seemed patriotic to steal a couple of flags from the school. Over the years, they have taken care of them. Cherished them, even. And now they say they always knew they would have to be returned. Brian Carney, 55, represented the four when the flags were returned. Carney told the Chicago Tribune that he hopes the return of the flags will set a good example for their children. Depends on how much of the story they get, probably.

Robbery had very specialized target

Someone broke into the Stop N Go convenience store in Leola, Pa., and stole $1,125 worth of merchandise, reports the Lancaster Intelligencer Journal. What was the target? Beer? Chili-cheese dogs? A truckload of Funyuns? Actually, the only thing missing from the store was a display of sexual-performance enhancement placebos. "The packets have interesting names like Kaotic, Kryptonite, 8 Balls and Bangkok Chill," police Lt. Todd Umstead said. "Many of them list 'Horny Goat Weed Extract' as an ingredient. You can't make this up." Don't have to, lieutenant. Robert Kieta, 29, was arrested shortly after the break-in, and police said he had a backpack full of the products. He was arrested.

Calling Bolshevik

Man not sure he ever married wife

An 80-year-old man in Chelyabinsk, Russia, went to court to have his marriage annulled. "The appellant views this marriage as invalid as he doesn't remember giving his approval, attending the marriage registration ceremony or signing the marriage certificate," the court said in a statement, reported by Russian news agency RIA Novosti. "He has no recollection of any of these events." The alleged wedding occurred in 1974, and the man lived with the woman until 2008. He doesn't want to split the apartment they shared. The court said nice try, but no.

REscue me

Always prepare for night out in Nome

Clifton Vial, 52, of Nome, Alaska, decided to go out for a drive. He set out on a northerly course, which is sort of tricky proposition when you're in Nome and it's late November. He made it about 40 miles when he hit a snowdrift with his Toyota Tacoma and got stuck. Luckily, he was dressed for it. Wait, no, he was in jeans and a light jacket. Well, at least several people knew he was out and would be worried. Wait, no, his family was out of town, and no one knew he was out. Well, at least he had plenty of food. Wait, he had none. He had a few cans of beer, for which we will withhold judgment since he couldn't drive once he got stuck. The beers became popsicles, which he ate with a knife until rescuers found him three days later. They gave him a Snickers and a ride home, according to the Anchorage Daily News.

Compiled from wire services and other sources by staff writer Jim Webster, who can be reached at

The skinny: Flags returned, thieves claim to be role models 12/09/11 [Last modified: Friday, December 9, 2011 7:44pm]
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