Saved by Cartoon
Girl says she learned heroic squeeze from TV
Miriam Starobin's first hint that something was wrong with her friend Allyson Golden was that she wasn't laughing. "(That) was weird because Ally laughs a lot," Miriam said. Sure enough, Ally had been laughing while chewing gum at Long Beach Middle School in Lido Beach, N.Y., and was choking. But Miriam, 12, was prepared for just such an emergency, because she watched SpongeBob SquarePants. She recalled an episode where SpongeBob used the Heimlich maneuver to extract a clarinet from the throat of Squidward. It worked then and it worked for Miriam. Everyone is so happy about the outcome that no one even cares that, according to Nickelodeon, there is no such episode. However Miriam remembered it — she also watches Grey's Anatomy, for instance — it all worked out.
Don't do drugs or you'll end up here
Police have no idea how long Thomas Hovis had been hiding from them in a pit of liquid manure, but doesn't that sentence just make it sound like it's time to reassess everything about your life up to that point? The Journal Gazette of Fort Wayne, Ind., reports that Hovis, 52, was wanted on suspicion of manufacturing methamphetamine, and police were concerned enough to send a SWAT team. Officers shot Hovis with a Taser — the second-worst thing that happened to him all day — then cut off his excrement-soaked clothes before arguing about which police force had jurisdiction to see who had to put him into one of their vehicles.
Pedestrians safe again in Wisconsin
Police in Stevens Point, Wis., arrested Paula Wolf, 41, on charges of recklessly endangering safety. Specifically, police say she shot at least five people with blow darts from her car. After a witness reported seeing a shooting from a black minivan, police pulled Wolf over and say they found a blow gun, a slingshot and a bucket of rocks inside. According to police, Wolf has confessed to shooting at pedestrians, and said that her motive was that she "liked to hear people say 'ouch.' "
Town expands definition of nude
The town of Kure Beach, N.C., recently received an e-mail inquiring whether the city's ban on nudity applies to thongs. Always good to find these things out ahead of time, as it can be embarrassing to show up improperly attired. It hadn't come up specifically, so the town council was happy to get the chance to address the issue. The town ordinance banning "insufficient clothing" now extends to the stringy things. "We're going to keep this as close to Mayberry with a beach as you can keep it," Mayor Dean Lambeth said.
Compiled from Times wire services and other sources by staff writer Jim Webster, who can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.