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The skinny

The skinny: Man had pain, and sad excuse for a scalpel

Self surgery

Man had pain, and sad excuse for a scalpel

Police in Glendale, Calif., responded to a 911 call on Sunday night to find a man sitting on the patio, naked, smoking a cigarette, with a butter knife protruding from his abdomen. Now, when you're a cop in Southern California, it's hard to be surprised by a story, but this one was new even for them: The man, 63, was suffering from a protruding hernia, and decided to remove it himself. Five out of five doctors surveyed don't recommend this as a DIY procedure. While waiting for paramedics, the man pulled out the knife and put the cigarette in the wound. An attempt to cauterize the wound? "What he was thinking, I don't know," said Sgt. Tom Lorenz. The man, who was not identified, was taken to Los Angeles County-USC Medical Center, where he was being looked after by doctors in the emergency and psychiatric wings.

Jurisprudence

Judge: There is no right to bark at dog

According to a judge in Ohio, the right to bark at a police dog is neither self-evident nor inalienable. Ryan Stephens was charged with teasing Timber, a police dog in Mason, Ohio, in April. As his defense, Stephens claimed to have the constitutional right of free speech and said the law was too vague. But on Friday, Judge Andrew Batsche tossed Stephens' request to dismiss the charge, and now he faces trial and could get 60 days in the crate. Police say Stephens was outside a bar where they were answering a call and got to within inches of the patrol car when he started barking at Timber. According to Stephens, there was a perfectly reasonable excuse. "He started it," he said of the dog.

Prints uncover big hospital heist

There are a lot of valuable things that could be smuggled out of a hospital and sold on the street at great profit for a unscrupulous employee with access to the goods. And such was the sad case at New York's Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, where Marque Gumbs was arrested late in 2010. He used his ill-gotten gains to buy himself a BMW SUV, a diamond Rolex watch, designer bags and other expensive swag. Was it some powerful narcotic that he was taking from locked cabinets? Well, no. He was a receiving clerk, and he ordered extra printer toner, took delivery outside the hospital, then resold it from home. He pleaded guilty Tuesday to embezzling $1.2 million worth of the product.

Battering Gram

Naked, hungry is no way to break in

It's 3:30 a.m. on Sunday, and the guy gets home, takes off all his clothes and starts making a sandwich. Seems like a strange order of operation, but that's what happened. Problem was, it wasn't his home. And when the 70-year-old woman whose home it is heard something going on, she told him to leave. When that didn't work, she went to Plan B. "When I got the bat, he turned and he ran. Then I got downstairs and he sort of launched at me and I was like, 'Oh no you don't!' That's when I hit him," the woman told Boston's WHDH-Ch. 7. That convinced the man to grab his clothes and leave. Police are still looking for him.

Compiled from Times wire services and other sources.

The skinny: Man had pain, and sad excuse for a scalpel 07/26/11 [Last modified: Wednesday, July 27, 2011 1:01pm]

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