Inebriation in news
Stealing rack of ribs as hard as it sounds
Supermarket employees in Carlisle, Pa., probably aren't happy to see Donald Noone. For the second time this year, he has been charged with stealing a rack of ribs from a store, and for the second time this year, he is accused of trying to do that by shoving the ribs down his pants. Police in Carlisle say that Noone, 65, was "highly intoxicated" when he tried his heist. When he tried in May, the ribs were valued at $13.34, reports the Sentinel of Carlisle. Despite the fact that it didn't work that time, he tried to upgrade Sunday, with ribs worth $20.48.
Be on lookout for clown in cart
Early reports were that a clown had stolen a golf cart and was seen leaving Terry Hills Golf Course in Batavia, N.Y., on Sunday. It turns out it wasn't a clown — at least technically — but just James Straub, 37, who had played a round at the club, and then possibly had a few rounds. His colorful "golf" attire is what generated the confusion, which is pretty easy to understand if you've ever seen Caddyshack. In what is likely a totally related factor, Straub refused to take a breath analysis and was charged with driving while intoxicated.
Ineptitude in news
Ankle monitor secure, leg is not
Employees of a private security firm were given the task of attaching an electronic monitor to Christopher Lowcock, 29, of Rochdale, England. Lowcock had been sentenced to a curfew for offenses involving drugs and weapons, the BBC reports. The security workers went to Lowcock's home and attached the device and left. The problem: Lowcock has a prosthetic leg, and guess which leg they attached it to. So even though he couldn't remove the device, he was able to pop the leg it was on right off and go about his business unmonitored. Once the home office figured this out, no one saw the humor in it, at all. The two employees were fired. And presumably a monitor has been placed on Lowcock's other leg. "Incidents like this are very rare," the company said in a statement.
Key to escaping arrest: Don't brag
A motorcycle rider in Yakima County, Wash., managed to elude police after they saw him driving recklessly. He probably would not have had to deal with the incident beyond his guilty conscience, except for one fatal flaw in his escape plan: He forgot to avoid bragging about the incident on Facebook. It's a common mistake these days. Somehow, his status update got forwarded to police, who dropped by his house at 4 a.m. with a warrant. At which point he admitted everything.
Compiled from Times wire services and other sources by staff writer Jim Webster, who can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.