The Sunshine State might as well have its own edition of the board game Clue. Tampa Bay crime headlines from 2015 read like an "only in Florida" joke about what the heck happened this time.
The Florida man, with the shovel, at the strip club.
The Florida man, with the cottonmouth snake, in his pillow.
The Florida woman, with the cold chicken nuggets, at the Twistee Treat.
This year, the creativity of criminals was as wonderfully bizarre as ever. We've compiled here a list of this year's best.
Read. Remember. Enjoy.
That's right. She pooped in the cop car.
Robert Ernest Lohr is no pharmacist, but he still raked in $1.1 million smuggling a bunch of knockoff Viagra and Cialis pills. No word if the fake pills still got the job done.
Santa? Not quite. Unless the Pinellas County Jail relocated to the North Pole.
"If you don't want me to work, then I'll fix you," the Pinellas Park man said, after stabbing the machete into the ground.
"They agree to meet at a Taco Bell. No guns allowed."
His name is Bart, but most people know the young feline as Zombie Cat. Said one neighbor: "All I knew was this cat was dead and Pet Sematary is real."
8. Man shopping for coffee creamer at Walmart attacked by vigilante for carrying gun he was legally permitted to have
And the whole mess was caught on video.
He did not, however, try to kiss it, authorities said.
The letter flip-flop wasn't spotted until a deputy pointed it out. Then some mystery human paid $9,650 for the rug, and the proceeds were donated to a local animal rescue.
… after he was shot in the arm three times. And the shovel came from a Good Samaritan passing by.
Submitted without comment.
Their path: From the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino to the Wawa dumpster, to the garbage truck.
Everyone's first question: what in the world is a gyrocopter?
The baby was in a car carrier, and the alleged burglar did set the baby (his son) down (in an alley) before threatening his victim with a knife.
… with three assault rifles, 10 handguns and 5,000 rounds of ammunition. But his mom still had his back. On her son hiring an escort: "I can't believe that. He has more gorgeous girlfriends than you can even imagine."
The drivers got their donuts and coffee, with a side of unemployment.
The 20-year-old catapulted the nuggets at a Twistee Treat staffer, spraying honey mustard, and her dignity, everywhere.
Authorities found her in her home, under a blanket, with a sword. Other bladed weapons hung from the ceiling fan. Some stuck out from Halloween masks. Small axes, beside mini skeletons and body parts, were pinned to a tapestry.
He is 84. She is 73. And this wasn't their first brush with the law.
Nothing says Florida! like one Libertarian throwing a fit over other Libertarians' unwillingness to denounce a different Libertarian for "sadistically dismembering a goat in a ritualistic sacrifice."
The teacher said he tossed the frogs around to calm his students down. PETA, which said the frogs had been "torn away from their homes in the wild," was not amused.
Times staff writers Craig Pittman, Zachary T. Sampson, Laura Morel and Dan Sullivan contributed to this report. Contact Katie Mettler at firstname.lastname@example.org or (813) 226-3446. Follow @kemettler.