The surrogate
It begins with a woman who yearns for a baby and another who is willing and able to give her one. You can imagine the motives of the prospective parents. But what about the woman willing to carry a baby, give birth and then walk away?
Friday Night Rewind It doesn't matter which team you cheer for. We've got video previews of every high school football program in Hillsborough, Pinellas, Pasco and Hernando County.
The idea floated by a co-worker — married with kids — seemed like the stupidest thing I'd heard.
The cost of our employer's family insurance coverage was going through the roof. Why not charge everyone with company-paid individual insurance to subsidize the parents? My reaction as a 30-something DINK (Dual Income, No Kids): Dude, I didn't tell you to have the little monsters.
Two decades and two kids later, I'm on the other side of the office divide. Now, I wince when singles gripe about the parent who takes off in mid-afternoon to pick up kids from school. All I can think is: They just don't get it.
Maybe I'm guilty of singlism. I wasn't even familiar with the term before talking to Bella DePaulo, a psychology professor in California and author of Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After.
She makes some decent points on how singles get shortchanged, including:
Social Security. Die without a spouse or children and Uncle Sam holds on to your death benefit. Singles should be allowed to pick a relative or other "peer equivalent" for the payment, DePaulo says.
Family and Medical Leave: Same deal. Parents can take time off to care for a sick kid or spouse. Why not give singles unpaid leave to care for a sister, niece or even a best friend?
Health Insurance: Many companies subsidize or pay for family coverage, a benefit worth thousands of dollars that singles don't receive.
But the day-to-day friction comes from situations like parents getting first choice of vacation time at Thanksgiving. Or when singles get stuck working late because Mom needs to feed the kids and tuck them in.
The root problem, DePaulo says, is when folks get married, "they think they're better people than single people." Ouch. We're not better people but people with a more important job: raising and shaping the next generation of humans.
Steve Huettel can be reached at huettel@sptimes.com or (813) 226-3384.
[Last modified: May 16, 2008 10:34 AM]
Comments on this article
by amy
May 16, 2008 10:34 AM
if raising kids is so important, perhaps i should spawn 12 kids and YOU can pay for my creating the next generation.
by KB
May 15, 2008 5:23 PM
Right on Melissa! And Steve, sorry that you are now on the "other" side and you are convinced that what you are doing is so much more important. Any dope can have a kid-it's raising them properly that matters-STAY HOME WITH THEM if you want them!
by Melissa
May 14, 2008 1:09 PM
Who says your kids are more important then my job or happiness? I didn't ask you to have the little monsters! Deal with it!
by Jocephus
May 14, 2008 11:49 AM
Steve, others have said this, but it bears repeating: if the job is that important, one half of the married couple should be staying home to ensure that it is done right. Aren't your children worth the sacrifice?
by Linda
May 13, 2008 9:18 AM
The main point of this article is to point out inequalities to single citizens. The Singelringen Global Community brings together singles. We wear a "single ring" to proudly show our status, as a group have a voice and support DePaulo & unmarried.org
by Nicky
May 12, 2008 12:49 PM
Just to clarify, it was not Dr. DePaulo but the columnist Steve Huettel who said married people have "a more important job: raising ... the next generation..." As Greg points out, Huettel's statement is profoundly disrespectful. See unmarried.org!
by Greg
May 11, 2008 1:33 PM
So DePaulo thinks singles have no impact on shaping the next generation of humans?!?! Give me a break! I had a more positive impact on my nephew than either one of his parents.
by fa
May 11, 2008 11:14 AM
You may feel you have a "more important job" but not at others' expense.
by Russ
May 11, 2008 10:26 AM
Shrinks & single mothers have brought such wonderful changes to our society -- How dare you defend parents who aren't self-centered selfish me-me-me'rs who care about not only their family but the future of society! Lil sarcasm to say Nice article
by Allyson
May 11, 2008 9:56 AM
If parenting is a more important job, then why don't you recognize it and dedicate one parent full time to pick up the kids from school, fix dinner and tuck them in? Singles will still get penalized on SS and insurance.
by Allyson
May 11, 2008 9:55 AM
Wonder why there's a Mommy track? Your more important job results in higher costs to employer & resentment by co-workers. Equal pay for equal performance! If kids always come first-require lots of time off-then you suffer professionally as deserved
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