Make us your home page
(Un)Real Estate

Dictionary of new language for new economy

As the economy sputters, the housing business — and most business for that matter — takes to hiding its intentions behind verbal gobbledegook, the gobbledegookier the better. Clear language? That just won't do, even in the best of times. Spend even a week perusing reports pumped out by corporate public relations departments and you'll get a belly full of candy-coated phrases. Here are some favorites I've compiled in a Modern Business Glossary, followed by translations. (And yes, these are real terms — most of them, anyway.)

Non-Equity Incentive Plan Compensation: We've had a mediocre year but management still wants to raid the kitty.

Management-Induced Separation:Fired.

Management-Induced Separation with Prejudice: Fired for blatantly personal reasons.

Management-Induced Separation with Sprinkles: Dropped a hot fudge sundae on the boss' mahogany desk.

Chief Restructuring Officer: Like chief executive officer, but for a failing business.

Monetize Land Assets: Builder going-out-of-business sale.

Orderly Wind-Down of Operations: We're broke. Run for the hills.

Web-First Strategy: Can't turn a buck with the print edition.

Our Company is Founded on Integrity: Ignore the private jet and the "hostess services" bill from the junket to Bangkok.

Loan Modification: Cut our house payment or we'll breed mosquitoes in the pool and turn the St. Augustine turf a lovely shade of burnt sienna.

In Business for 50 Years: We sold toilet gaskets for 45 of those years.

Business Solutions Center: We don't know how to market our product but doesn't "solutions" sound swell?

Quality is Our Middle Name: Your drywall won't form crevasses until the one-year new home warranty has expired.

Now is a Great Time to Buy a Home: Keep renting.

Dictionary of new language for new economy 04/02/09 [Last modified: Friday, April 3, 2009 2:34pm]
Photo reprints | Article reprints

© 2017 Tampa Bay Times


Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

  1. As Dow hits new high, Raymond James Financial reports record financial gains


    On the same day that the Dow closed at new highs, investment firm Raymond James Financial reported record revenues and earnings for its fiscal third quarter that ended June 30.

    Raymond James Financial CEO Paul Reilly unveiled record quarterly revenues and earnings for the St. Petersburg-based investment firm. [Courtesy of Raymond James Financial]
  2. Florida GDP growth in first quarter 2017 ranks 21st among states, still outpacing U.S.

    Economic Development

    Florida's gross domestic product or GDP rose 1.4 percent in the first quarter, slightly faster than the nation's growth of 1.2 percent and placing Florida 21st among the states for growth rates, according to the U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis.

    Not too hot. Not too cold.

    These Jackson Square Townhomes began hitting the west Hillsborough County market late last year and continued to be sold into the first quarter of 2017. The real estate sector was the biggest driver of Florida's gross domestic product, which rose 1.4 percent in the first quartrer of 2017.  [JAMES BORCHUCK   |   Times]
  3. A new app will help you find your favorite Tampa Bay food trucks

    Food & Dining

    What's new: Food tech

    Local food businesses are embracing new technologies and partnerships to bring us extra deliciousness.

    Michael Blasco of Tampa Bay Food Trucks says that everyone always asked about an app to help find their favorite food trucks. There is, available for iPhones and Droids.
  4. Another Pinellas foreclosure auction fools bidders, raises questions

    Real Estate

    For the second time in six weeks, a company connected to lawyer Roy C. Skelton stood poised to profit from a Pinellas County foreclosure auction that confused even experienced real estate investors.

    A Palm Harbor company bid  $112,300 for  this Largo townhome at a foreclosure auction July 21 not realizing the auction involved a second mortgage, connected to lawyer and  real estate investor Roy Skelton -- and that the bank could still foreclose on the  first mortgage.
  5. Clearwater-based USAmeriBank acquired by New Jersey bank in $816 million deal


    CLEARWATER — USAmeriBancorp, Inc., based in Clearwater, is being acquired by New Jersey's Valley National Bancorp in an $816 million deal, it was announced today.

    Joe Chillura, CEO of USAmeribank, shown inside a branch in Ybor City in this file photo.