Stand out with a 'thank you'

When was the last time you wrote or received a handwritten note of thanks or even a thank-you e-mail? Just the other day, I was talking to a recruiter who told me that she received more than 3,000 applications for 200 teaching jobs and only one person took the time to send her a thank-you note for her assistance in the job search process. • In addition, she said that many of the applicants called her back the same day they applied or within the next day to harass her about what she was doing about getting them a job. She was flabbergasted by their overly aggressive tone and style. You can imagine how that one person who sent a thank-you note stood out in that crowd. And that is not a unique story.

Today, sending a thank-you has become a competitive advantage for job applicants or employees. It is so rare that it differentiates a person from the rest of the group. Some studies have found that more than 50 percent of people don't say thanks and few express any appreciation at all.

The benefits of saying thank you are that you stand out, you can strengthen your relationship with the other side, it motivates and reinforces the other party to continue to engage in the nice or helpful behavior and it sends a message about you (i.e., the quality of your upbringing) and/or your company (i.e., the professionalism of your firm).

What are some suggestions for thanking others? The best thing you can do is to use a handwritten note of thanks and send it in the mail. This is so rare today that it really does stand out.

If for some reason you cannot send a handwritten note, then at least send a thank-you via e-mail. In your note, be warm, personal and sincere. It is important not to use a sarcastic tone when thanking someone because a thank-you is supposed to build someone up.

The timing of your thank-you is also important. You should respond to someone within 48 hours of receiving the assistance, gift, help, etc. Of course, in some situations you can thank the person immediately if you are together. If you are late, you should still send the note. It is better to send a note and apologize for being late than to never send any note at all.

So don't underestimate the power of saying thank you. Even though moving ahead in a firm is typically based on performance and results, how a person interacts with others is hard to overlook. Even the management guru Peter Drucker noted that "manners — simple things like saying 'please' and 'thank you' enable two people to work together" while "bad manners rub people raw; they leave permanent scars."

Likewise, Marshall Goldsmith writes in his book What Got You Here Won't Get You There that one of the challenges for people is "failing to express gratitude — the most basic form of bad manners." Thus, having manners and saying thank you does make a difference to your success and to the lives of others around you.

Joyce E.A. Russell is the director of the Executive Coaching and Leadership Development Program at the University of Maryland's Robert H. Smith School of Business. She is a licensed industrial and organizational psychologist.