Make us your home page

Making friends at work can create a minefield of issues

NEW YORK — When it comes to workplace relationships, the general advice is to keep your distance. After all, friendships can be tested by a number of different issues in the workplace. But the people we see every day at work often become our closest friends. It's no wonder, since we spend roughly half of our waking hours with them. • So what's the secret to balancing work and friendships, especially when things get rocky?

Know what comes first

When you make friends at the office, you need to keep some important perspective: You're primarily at the company as an employee, not a friend. And remember that some bosses frown on personal relationships in the workplace.

The last thing you want is to get passed up for a promotion or not be taken seriously because you are a social butterfly, chatting with friends rather than working. Or, because a friendship gets in the way of your responsibilities — for example, if your co-worker makes a serious mistake and you don't report it because you're friends.

"Work is work, we're hired to do a job and as long as that takes priority, friendships can emerge naturally, be very constructive and quite enjoyable," said Janie Fritz, associate professor of communication and rhetorical studies at Duquesne University.

Be selective

You have to trust your friends, but you have to trust your work friends more. Whether you realize it or not, the friends you make at work can have an impact on how your bosses view you. If your friend has productivity problems or other issues, you might find yourself under greater scrutiny.

And, if you and your friend have a falling out and it turns out that he or she is the vindictive type, the last thing you want to worry about is someone spreading rumors or creating an awkward situation.

It's also important to be extra vigilant about work friends' ability to keep secrets — that person you're confiding in might have an agenda of his or her own. Or, he or she might be just one of those people who can't keep their mouths shut.

Zip the lip

A major issue that tends to come up in workplace relationships, Fritz said, is when people divulge too much about their personal lives.

For example, sharing brief stories about your family is fine, but it's best to save those long talks about your personal problems for social settings like bars or restaurants, not the office.

And while it may seem obvious, if you and your friends dislike the same people in the office, keep it to yourselves. If you spread gossip or rumors about others at work, it can quickly cause trouble for you with other co-workers as well as your boss.

The technology age

Fritz recommends that employees don't "friend" each other or their bosses on Facebook and Twitter.

"You just never know about who you let in and what people might say," she said.

But if it's something you really want to do, be sure to keep things simple. Amp up those privacy settings so your co-workers can see as little of your personal information as possible. And in general, keep things tame on social networking sites so you're less likely to get into trouble at work. Another option? Keep separate Facebook pages: one for personal friends, another for the office.

The popularity of social networking sites and video sharing sites like YouTube make it even more important to get close only to people you can trust. Say, for instance, that both of you are at a party that gets a little out of hand. It's all too easy for a photo or video of you to get posted on the Internet that you didn't intend for the world or your boss to see.

Trouble brewing?

Friends often have issues with each other, and that can complicate their professional relationships as well. Maybe your friend is constantly bad-mouthing the boss. Or gossiping, making you uncomfortable. Or, maybe you've had a fight, or the friendship is just fading.

Fritz recommends "creating distance." That not only means spending less time talking with that friend at the office, but also consciously steering more conversations to work-related topics. That way, you'll be able to get back on task without alienating your friend or making trouble at the work.

Uneven playing field

What if one of you gets promoted, or is on shaky ground with management? To put it simply, when workers are on different levels, the friendship has to take a back seat.

If there's now a supervisor-employee relationship between you and your friend, it may be hard to have a friendship when there's also friction over assignments, performance reviews and other aspects of working for someone else. One friend might expect special treatment, something that could jeopardize both jobs. The friendship can survive only if both people agree to keep their work and professional lives entirely separate — something that is hard for most people to do.

If your friend is in trouble with management, or might be fired, Fritz said the key is to assist your friend without putting your own job in jeopardy. Maybe your friend expects you to stand up for him or her. If that will hurt your job, you have to decide which is more important, the friendship or your paycheck.

Offer sympathy and support, but be clear you can't listen to complaints about the job. Those negative vibes will only affect your own work. Instead, try to steer your friend into action by giving him a push in the right direction, like offering to send a resume to some of your professional contacts.

7 tips for handling an office romance

1Before launching into an office romance, know the company's policies regarding office relationships. Some companies have rules against it. If relationships are forbidden, you have to ask yourself if it's worth it. If it is, be discreet and prepare for any consequences. If it's not against the rules, evaluate whether your company's corporate climate is generally accepting or looks down upon such relationships.

2Weigh the benefits against the career risks. Your current job may be less important to you than finding a life partner. Or, it may be an important stepping stone in your career path that you aren't willing to risk.

3Maintain decorum and professionalism. Keep social and business lives separate and that means not letting a romantic relationship affect the quality and efficiency of your work. If there's evidence that your office romance is affecting your work, recognize that you may be asked to end your romance or maybe find another job.

4Avoid dating someone in a higher or lower position. Office politics and hierarchy should concern you. Choosing an entanglement with someone at a different level could dramatically affect your salary or movement in the company. Avoid unwanted scrutiny and drama by avoiding dating those with whom you regularly work.

5Save the romance for out of the office. Absolutely no public displays of affection at work. Maintain proper distance. Keep in mind that in today's world of blogging, YouTube and Google, and even instant messaging, the line between public and private is increasingly blurred. Becoming a target of office gossip in the blogosphere or elsewhere could damage your career advancement and job security.

6Plan for the worst. Agree in the beginning of the relationship how you will handle a potential breakup. A messy breakup affects you, your partner and perhaps the entire office. It could prompt the company to change its dating policy.

7Consider leaving. If the relationship does get serious, one member should consider a new position outside the company.

Sources: Dale Carnegie Training and Spherion Corp.

Making friends at work can create a minefield of issues 10/25/09 [Last modified: Sunday, October 25, 2009 10:09am]
Photo reprints | Article reprints

Copyright: For copyright information, please check with the distributor of this item, Associated Press.

Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

  1. 'Toxic' times: How repeal of Florida's tax on services reverberates, 30 years later

    State Roundup

    TALLAHASSEE — Long before Hurricane Irma attacked Florida, the state faced a troubled fiscal future that the storm will only make worse.

    Robertson says the tax debate is now “toxic.”
  2. Fewer Tampa Bay homeowners are underwater on their mortgages

    Real Estate

    The percentage of Tampa Bay homeowners underwater on their mortgages continues to drop. In the second quarter of this year, 10.2 percent of borrowers had negative equity compared to nearly 15 percent in the same period a year ago, CoreLogic reported Thursday. Nationally, 5.4 percent of all mortgaged homes were …

    The percentage of Tampa Bay homeowners underwater on their mortgages  continues to drop. [Times file photo]
  3. 'What Happened'? Clinton memoir sold 300,000 copies in first week


    Despite being met with decidedly mixed reviews, What Happened, Hillary Clinton's new memoir about the 2016 presidential campaign, sold a whopping 300,000 copies in its first week.

    The new memoir by former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton sold 300,000 copies in its first week.
  4. After Irma topples tree, home sale may be gone with the wind

    Real Estate

    ST. PETERSBURG — To house hunters searching online, the home for sale in St. Petersburg's Shore Acres neighborhood couldn't have looked more appealing — fully renovated and shaded by the leafy canopy of a magnificent ficus benjamini tree.

    Hurricane Irma's winds recently blew over a large ficus tree, left, in the yard of a home at 3601Alabama Ave NE, right, in Shore Acres which is owned by Brett Schroder who is trying to sell the house.
[SCOTT KEELER   |   Times]

  5. Unemployment claims double in Florida after Hurricane Irma


    The number of Americans seeking unemployment benefits dropped by 23,000 last week to 259,000 as the economic impact of Hurricane Harvey began to fade.

    Homes destroyed by Hurricane Irma on Big Pine Key last week. Hurricane Irma continued to have an impact on the job market in Florida, where unemployment claims more than doubled from the previous week.
[The New York Times file photo]