Questionnaire for Prospective Jurors in THE STATE OF NEVADA VS. O.J. SIMPSON
Dear Citizen: Thank you for your service. Jury selection has begun in the criminal case against O.J. Simpson, charged in the robbery of two sports collectibles dealers at a Las Vegas hotel. Please answer the following questions so we can assess your suitability to be a juror in this case.
1. Regarding the allegations: Do you have any problem with the premise that someone still cares enough about O.J. Simpson memorabilia to actually steal it?
2. Are you aware of any previous criminal case involving O.J. Simpson, or have you spent years lost at sea or living in a cave in Tibet?
3. Have you ever known anyone named "Kato" or "Ito"?
4. How would you feel about the following spoken by a lawyer in court?
a. "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit."
b. "That prosecutor's hot, though her line is not."
c. "What's up with the judge, is his brain made of fudge?"
d. "If O.J. had the gun, I'd say he's done."
5. If you are aware of a previous criminal trial involving the defendant, when you heard the not-guilty verdict, did you think:
a. I must now break into a spontaneous Snoopy dance, because the justice system rocks.
b. I must now weep quietly in a corner, because the justice system bites.
c. I must not understand the people I live and work with daily nearly as well as I thought I did.
d. California must be on another planet.
6. Define "race card."
a. The unfair and cynical use of a defendant's race to prove he is being persecuted.
b. The just reward for racial profiling and a justice system so imbalanced against minorities as to be laughable, if it weren't so deplorable.
c. Something you send a NASCAR fan on his birthday.
7. What is your opinion of someone who, after being acquitted of the brutal murder of his ex-wife and her friend, would attempt to write a book titled I'm Not Saying I Did It Or Anything But If I Did Here's How I Got Away With It?
8. Which of the following headlines actually ran?
a. O.J. Addicted to OxyContin
b. O.J.'s daughter in knock-down fight with dad
c. O.J. Says Anna Nicole's Baby Might Be His
d. Sadly, all of the above.
9. What are your feelings on the "It's Mine" defense? As in: "The memorabilia is mine, so I can take it," but not, "The ex-wife is still mine, so …")
10. Essay question: What would you think of someone found guilty of one crime after being accused of something much worse, like Al Capone and tax evasion, and then receiving a life sentence anyway?
Related question: How do you feel about the concept of cosmic justice?
Thank you, prospective juror, for completing this questionnaire. Feel free to use the remaining time to get a cup of coffee at the courthouse snack bar or, in the alternative, call your publisher.