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Gee Whiz and other odd Philly phactoids

(Updated version of a 2003 article from, then known as "Howard's Mostly Made-Up Encyclopedia of the United States.")

PHILADELPHIA is a large, historic U.S. city located in southern New Jersey.

William Penn, inventor of the tennis ball, was born in Philadelphia. The city also is the birthplace of Quaker Oats, grease-and-stale-bread sandwiches, and Legionnaire's disease. From the often-misspelled Schoolkill River to North Philadelphia, the city is filled with many charms.

History: In 1723, a young Benjamin Franklin moved to Philadelphia and was surprised to learn that his face was on the $100 bill. He started the city's first newspaper, the Pennsylvania Gazette, which was immediately attacked from all sides for being the Mainstream Media. Franklin also published The Poor Farmer's Almanack.

Philadelphia won a stiff competition with New York and Tampa, Fla., to be the host city of the Continental Congress. The members sweltered in the summer heat as they posed 84 consecutive days for their group portrait. They also hid secret documents and eyeglasses throughout the building for Nicolas Cage to discover. To commemorate the event, Congress commissioned a large bell from the lowest bidder, declaring that "the private Sector will surely make a superior Bell if only we let the free Market work."

Having agreed upon a Declaration of Independence, the members of Congress hired a professional calligrapher named Famuel Fmith to copy it. Flamboyant insurance salesman John Hancock was allowed to sign first in exchange for promising to stop canceling the other delegates' homeowner policies.

Sports: Given the city's rich history of frequent professional sports championships, Philadelphia fans are renowned for the generosity, courtesy and hospitality they extend to supporters of visiting teams, often expressed in the form of good-natured jests directed at sexual orientation.

Until 1776, the city's basketball team had no name. A young Kate Smith began her career at hockey games by singing God Bless the Colonies. The city's football team is named after the national bird, the American Bald Iggle.

Culture: Leading citizens of Philadelphia have included Connie Mack, later a U.S. senator, basketball great Clyde Drexel, who founded one of Philadelphia's universities, and Frank Rizzo, founder of the Rizzo Center for Integrity and Civic Harmony.

Tourists enjoy many aspects of modern Philadelphia. After doing the history tours and running up the steps of the art museum, they can run down and up the museum steps again. Also, buses to Atlantic City run frequently.

Philadelphia is known for its famous cheese steaks. Each year, the 124,000 restaurants that serve them hold an election for "Philly's Best Cheese Steak." Each year, the contest results in a 124,000-way tie.

Related articles in Howardpedia:

Cheez Whiz

Designated hitter

Home-field advantage

Yeah, like Tampa Bay has room to talk, you $%#ing %#%s. Where the $$% is the city of "Tampa Bay," anyway? And what've you got — the Museum of Cranky Old $%^S and Condominiums?

(Entry last edited by PhilsFan422 at 3:42 p.m. on 10/20/2008)

Gee Whiz and other odd Philly phactoids 10/20/08 [Last modified: Sunday, October 26, 2008 1:00pm]
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