Make us your home page
Instagram

Today’s top headlines delivered to you daily.

(View our Privacy Policy)

20 questions the U.S. Census Bureau should have included in the 2010 Census

The Census Bureau boasts in all of its advertising that the survey consists of only 10 questions.

I guess that's good, but if you're going to query every single American, why don't you make the most of it? Why not ask the burning questions that every American wants to know?

Here are the questions they should have put on the census:

1. Mary Ann or Ginger?

In another 10 years we'll have an entire generation that won't even understand this question, so it's time to settle it.

2. Do you pick up your clothes off the floor and smell them to decide whether you can wear them?

Most women will find the question revolting, but the fellas know what I'm talking about. Hint: If it smells like Fritos, don't wear it.

3. Is it wrong to tell your kids to believe in Santa Claus?

If you're not Christian, substitute the Tooth Fairy for Santa Claus.

4. Dogs or cats?

For non-pet lovers, none of the above will be a choice.

5. When people ask how are you doing, do you say, "I'm employed?"

Sign of the times, to say the least.

6. In any given month, do you pay your mortgage, your car note or your credit card bill?

Extra credit if you routinely pay all three.

7. Do you say "soda" or "pop?"

Down here, pop is a type of music.

8. Do fries come with that shake?

Self-explanatory.

9. Did you ever think you would miss Paula Abdul on American Idol?

Yeah, me neither.

10. Edward or Jacob?

Women, especially those under 30, will love this question. So will men comfortable enough with their sexuality to admit they've actually read the Twilight series.

11. Do you believe Kentucky Fried Chicken tastes better when you buy it in Kentucky?

By the way, there's a Harlan Sanders Cafe and Museum in Corbin, Ky. Who knew?

12. Rolling Stones or Beatles?

Even though the Beatles are down to two, it's still a tough call.

13. iPhone or Blackberry?

Don't know. The company's too cheap to buy me either one.

14. Who was the best James Bond?

Sean Connery probably wins, but we can argue about second-best.

15. Deep dish or thin crust?

I prefer the Chicago way, which means if they get a knife, you get a gun. If they put one of yours in the hospital, you put one of their's in the morgue.

16. Godfather or Godfather II?

Normally, the original always beats the sequel, but not in this case. Aliens also was better than Alien.

17. Betty White or Abe Vigoda?

My money is on the golden girl.

18. Toilet paper roll: over or under?

I'll take the over.

19. Tampa or St. Petersburg?

Neither. Seffner by a nose over Lealman.

20. Are you filling this out at a bar?

Sometimes it's good to be under the influence.

That's all I'm saying.

20 questions the U.S. Census Bureau should have included in the 2010 Census 03/19/10 [Last modified: Friday, March 19, 2010 7:46pm]
Photo reprints | Article reprints

© 2017 Tampa Bay Times

    

Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

Loading...
  1. North Korea says it's 'biggest victim' in U.S. student's death (w/video)

    World

    SEOUL, South Korea — North Korea on Friday called itself the "biggest victim" in the death of an American student who was detained for more than a year and died days after being released in a coma.

    Mourners line the street after the funeral of Otto Warmbier, Thursday, June 22, 2017, in Wyoming, Ohio. Warmbier, a 22-year-old University of Virginia undergraduate student who was sentenced in March 2016 to 15 years in prison with hard labor in North Korea, died this week, days after returning to the United States. [Associated Press]
  2. Kentucky recruit, former Tampa Catholic star Kevin Knox among top prospects for 2018 NBA Draft

    Preps

    Less than 24 hours after the NBA Draft, analysts have already begun looking ahead to 2018.

    Tampa Catholic star Kevin Knox finishes a layup during the McDonald's All-American game in March at the United Center in Chicago. [LOREN ELLIOTT | Times]
  3. Editorial: Pinellas cannot ignore homeless families

    Editorials

    They are living on our streets and in our parking lots, in cheap motels and spare bedrooms if they're lucky and in old cars if they are not. Their kids attend our schools, and parents often are afraid to seek help. Pinellas County has made progress in recent years in providing temporary shelter for the homeless, but …

    
Ariana Turner, 22, and her daughter, Namine Cowell, 2, are living at St. Petersburg Free Clinic Family Residence after falling on hard times. Pinellas County has made progress in recent years in providing temporary shelter for the homeless, but homeless families with kids are virtually shut out. It's a crisis that requires public and private leadership to find an answer that is both compassionate and cost-effective.
  4. Report: USF faculty complained of a hostile, sexist, boorish boss

    College

    TAMPA — A certain University of South Florida academic may be an unpopular and insensitive bully, but he did not break USF rules, a lengthy legal review has concluded.

    Herb Maschner was removed last fall as the head of a technology center at the University of South Florida after the school learned his previous employer found he engaged in inappropriate, on-campus sexual behavior. A new report looks at Maschner's tenure at USF. [Idaho State University]
  5. Oh, deer! Two bucks seen on video duking it out in Tennessee

    Wildlife

    Deer generally are seen as calm and serene creatures, but that was not the case in this video posted Wednesday on the Tennessee Wildlife Resource Agency's Facebook page.

    A video, shot by Tennessee Wildlife Resource Agency wildlife officers Amy and Bubba Spencer on one of their trail cameras, shows two bucks on their hind legs and flailing in an open field. [Facebook]