The surrogate
It begins with a woman who yearns for a baby and another who is willing and able to give her one. You can imagine the motives of the prospective parents. But what about the woman willing to carry a baby, give birth and then walk away?
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Martin Onrot and Iris Grant Buchman married in April. In 1973, at the University of Florida, she was one of his fraternity’s little sisters and he was smitten, but didn’t reveal it until decades later.
Flashback to 1973: Gainesville. Tau Epsilon Phi house. Kegs. Led Zeppelin. Girls. Martin Onrot remembers like it was yesterday. He can still picture Iris Grant, one of the fraternity's little sisters. She has long blond hair and hazel eyes. He checks her out, but never asks her out. "I was awestruck, but respectful,'' Martin says. "Iris was a sweet girl and I was a typical college bad boy." He would remain her secret admirer for nearly three decades.
Both Gators graduated in 1976 and moved into adult lives. Martin married and moved to Montreal in 1981, working in retail sales. In 1996, he founded Professional Orthopedic Products to import and distribute medical devices.
Separated from his wife in fall 2003, he found himself reflecting on happier days.
"When you're going through a divorce, you think back to the good times in your life,'' he said, "and that was college." He Googled a couple of frat brothers, then typed in Iris Grant.
The Internet provided a news article about her business. That took him to her Web site, and an e-mail address to which he wrote: Is this the Iris Grant who was a little sister at the TEP house in 1973?
Yes, she replied. Who are you?
"She must think I'm a stalker," Martin thought, realizing he hadn't used his name.
The decades had flown by for Iris, too. Two marriages, two divorces, two children and two stepsons. It hadn't been easy.
After her second divorce in 1993, now Iris Buchman, she turned her pain into profit by starting IGB Associates, a public record research and retrieval business. She had learned her way around the courthouse during three years of divorce litigation.
"When I didn't have enough money to pay my lawyer, I did a lot of the research myself, '' she said. Clients included attorneys, insurance and title companies and television stations.
Iris' services went a step further, providing consultation to any woman going through a divorce, often for no charge.
In Montreal, Martin took a deep breath and called the telephone number on Iris' Web site, expecting to reach her office voicemail. Vacationing in Aspen with a girlfriend, she answered on her cell phone.
"He told me his story, I told him mine, and we had so much in common," she said. She searched her memory for an image of the guy with "long, dark hair and a big moustache."
Weeks of e-mail and phone calls closed the 30-year gap.
"I was saying to myself, is this a dream? This girl sounds incredible," Martin said.
Iris was cautiously excited. Come see me, she said.
His first visit, just 29 hours long, sent them into a tailspin. There was so much to share. The years tumbled away.
Back on the plane, Martin's emotions went airborne, moving him to put them into poetry. He faxed his sentiments to her during a stopover en route to Montreal.
"I'd never written a poem before,'' he said. "She brought out a side of me I never knew existed."
The couple, both 54, burned up frequent flier miles in five years of international dating. Iris, who has a condo on Harbour Island, sold her business in May 2006 and is now helping Martin patent a hip fracture prevention system.
"If I could patent her, I'd be a billionaire," Martin said, lovingly.
His work has taken the couple to Gainesville several times, for orthopedic research and nostalgic TEP alumni football weekends.
Three frat brothers were among the wedding guests April 6 when they married at the Chesterfield Hotel in Palm Beach. The old friends swapped Gator tales with Mr. and Mrs. Onrot who voiced no regrets for missing 30 years together.
They're way too excited about what the next 30 will bring.
Amy Scherzer can be reached at scherzer@sptimes.com or (813) 226-3332.
[Last modified: Sep 08, 2008 11:07 AM]
Comments on this article
by Pete
Sep 8, 2008 11:07 AM
I wish my dream would have come true like his. I wrote 13 poems of my feeling to the one I adore and she cried after read them. To this day I'm the fool for waiting these 30+ years
by Marushka
Sep 8, 2008 10:29 AM
having known Iris her whole life I could have told Martin that he had made a very good choice. sweet,concerned and very considerate gal. Meeting Martin for the first time in Florida during winter holiday I knew they were ment for each other.
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