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Grandparents Raising Grandchildren offers support

By Michele Miller, Times Staff Writer
In print: Sunday, September 14, 2008

Dorothy Schneidmuller, 67, is raising granddaughter Tiffany O’Keefe, 12. Daisy, a chihuahua/pug mix, shares their home. Schneidmuller runs a support group for others in her situation.
	[MICHELE MILLER | Times]

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HUDSON — Dorothy Schneidmuller used to think she'd spend her golden years traveling with girlfriends and being able to dash out for coffee at 1 a.m. if she wanted to.

She never imagined she would be raising a child with her significant other, Ted Floretz, 71. Or that she would be heading a support group to help others in her position.

But life threw her a curve and now, at 67, the mother of four adult children and grandmother of eight (25 if you include Floretz's brood) is negotiating the tween years and all that comes with them this time around: Hannah Montana, Webkinz, cell phones and text messaging.

"Everything is so different from 30 or 40 years ago," Schneidmuller said.

Even so, she wouldn't have it any other way. She can't imagine life without Tiffany, the 12-year-old granddaughter Schneidmuller has been mom to since July 10, 1996, when a judge awarded her custody.

In many ways, Tiffany O'Keefe, who is a seventh-grader at Dayspring Academy, is an easy child.

"She gets up every morning at 5:30, gets dressed, makes her lunch, takes the dog out for a walk," Schneidmuller said. "And she loves school — really loves school.

"She's very special. She appreciates the home she's got."

And Schneidmuller is better off financially than she was when she raised her own children. It helps, too, that Floretz, whom Tiffany calls "Papa," has been around since early on to offer support. And that there is a passel of aunts, uncles and cousins in New York and Pennsylvania that Tiffany visits during summer vacations.

Still, for Schneidmuller, those thoughts of world travel have gone by the wayside, as has the freedom to dash out on a whim with friends.

"You can meet people my age through different organizations, but once they hear you have a child, they kind of back off from you," Schneidmuller said. "That can be isolating."

Those issues and more are why Schneidmuller has been heading a Grandparents Raising Grandchildren support group for more than two years.

"There are some 374,000 grandparents raising grandchildren in Florida, and a lot of them live right here in Pasco County," she said, noting that one of them lives right across the street from her.

Some grandparents, like Schneidmuller, are sandwiched between caring for an elderly parent as well as their grandchildren.

That can be stressful, said Schneidmuller, whose mom, Ann Hennig, died in April.

Many of the children have been abandoned or taken away from unfit parents.

"There's a lot of emotional trauma to deal with," Schneidmuller said.

Then there's financial hardship and long-laid plans that have to be given up.

"They (grandparents) put money away for themselves and now it's going to the child," she said. "They're supposed to be out there going to ceramics class, going bowling, visiting a relative. They're supposed to be doing something else. Instead they're trapped."

The Grandparents Raising Grandchildren support group, which is affiliated with Family Resources in St. Petersburg, has moved around some but now meets the third Wednesday of the month at the Regency Park Library in New Port Richey.

Schneidmuller tries to bring in a guest speaker for every meeting — someone to help others obtain Social Security benefits for their grandchildren, teach CPR or offer advice on available social services.

One time they even had a massage therapist come out.

"That was a fun meeting," she said.

And sometimes, they just sit around and talk.

"It's an hour and a half of talking, but believe me when I tell you they don't have a lot of trouble doing that. There's a lot to vent," Schneidmuller said. "Everyone has their own set of problems, and when they share them, people get something out of it."

Michele Miller can be reached at miller@sptimes.com or at (727) 869-6251.