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Thoughts from the poolside …
Looking great in a swimsuit may be the single most difficult task in the world for a human.
Good is achievable for some, but great? Difficult, especially if you're a man wearing a Speedo.
Of course, most don't care, which is fine. It's called fun in the sun, not a fashion show. What do they say: Dance like nobody's watching and sport your swimwear like nobody's looking. Yes, even you, pregnant woman in the white bikini. …
Ever notice every song sounds better outside? Sun, sand and breeze can do magic. …
This will make me sound like the 47-year-old curmudgeon that I am, but I still don't get tattoos. There's a lot I would take off my body, like about 30 pounds, but I don't want to put anything on it.
If I want to make a statement about who I am or what I love, I'll just say it, and changing my mind won't require surgery. …
Seen on a T-shirt: My Principles Are Not For Sale — Unless You're Offering Cash. …
If you listen to Knee Deep by the Zac Brown Band and Jimmy Buffet on your way to work, you'll end up at Pass-a-Grille instead of your cubicle. Honest. …
In my next life, I'm going to be a career officer in the Air Force, then use my military pension to back my job as a beachside bartender at Woody's Waterfront, where I'll make the meanest rum runner in town. …
Someone should open a resort called the Man Cave Inn. Every room would have a flat-screen television, recliner and hot tub. It would serve only meat, chicken, fish, pork, potatoes and pretzels. Adult beverages are a given. Most important, you'll have to pass the FCAT (Football Comprehensive Assessment Test) to confirm a reservation.
That's all I'm saying.
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