Sunday, May 20, 2018
News Roundup

How to win friends and influence parents in college

Editor's note: the Hooper sons have again filled in for Dad so he could take Father's Day weekend off. Mat, a senior at Florida State University, and Ethan, a junior at the University of Central Florida, offer these five tips for surviving college.

Live on campus your freshman year. This is where you'll meet your core group of friends.

If you live in a community-style residence hall, your room might be smaller than your room at home and showering in the stall down the hall will be a complete wild card.

But the petite size of your room will force you to hang out in the common areas.

At night, you might go outside and play ultimate Frisbee and, while your friends hone their skills, you can obnoxiously sing like a werewolf howling at the moon. The next day, people will complain about some dude singing Whitney Houston songs and waking them up. Cool, right? …

Binge watch Netflix. You can do a lot of things with your roommates to bond, but nothing compares with a Netflix binge-watching session. Start a series and before you know it, you'll be up at 3 a.m. laughing, crying and wondering where all your time went. By series end, you'll be talking about what you will watch next. Will this affect our grades? Maybe, but correlation does not mean causation. We learned that in some class …

Party right. If you throw a party, don't have a guest list and don't charge. Allow people to bring their friends. If you don't know them, you'll get to make new friends. Charging is a complete turnoff, especially when guys are charged and girls aren't. Plus, it goes against everything we learned from Barney about "sharing is caring." Follow these steps and you might have an event on par with "Hooperpalooza" …

Travel. Experience snow for the first time, follow your school's football team to an away game, spend a semester abroad or just get a taste of what other universities have to offer. We suggest carpooling as the cheapest and fastest route. Once there, stay with a relative or friend so you're not paying for a hotel …

Parents = ATM. Your parents are the best source of income unless you want to donate plasma, and we don't like needles. So if you're like us, hit your parents up but recognize it's an art form. You can't just shoot a simple text saying, "Transfer?" Periodically send some sweet nothings before making the plea. Space them out so they don't raise suspicion. Then make the ask …

Extra tip: Oh yeah. Make sure you study, go to class, get good grades and all that jazz.

That's all we're saying.

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