Make us your home page
Instagram

Today’s top headlines delivered to you daily.

(View our Privacy Policy)

The fake Tampa Bay and Florida year in review, Part I

The mostly (but not entirely) fake Tampa Bay and Florida year in review, Part I:

Jan. 6: Tampa leaders seek to reduce drinking, bawdiness and rowdy behavior at the annual Gasparilla parade. Also among the spectators.

Jan. 6: State lottery sales drop. Lottery officials blame gambling hotline for "working too good."

Jan. 8: Red-faced Publix officials recall their 2010 calendar, which replaced Pearl Harbor Day with an Islamic holiday and July 4 with "We Hope the Terrorists Win Day."

Jan. 21: A record number of manatees are recorded in the annual Florida census. State wildlife officials urge boaters to "try harder."

Feb. 3: Repair guy promises Progress Energy Florida that the fix of its nuclear plant will take "about two weeks."

Feb. 5: State Republicans are embarrassed by a video of former chairman Jim Greer in the basement rolling in a big pile of money. His defense: "It was in my contract."

Feb. 12: Top five U.S. health insurance companies had 2009 profits of $12.2 billion. Their joint statement: "Reform THIS."

Feb. 16: Tampa Bay Water desalination plant running fine. Also, man bites dog.

March 2: Gov. Charlie Crist strongly denies he will leave Republican Party, saying, "That would be a desperate act of a man without any core principles."

March 4: Monkey not caught.

March 6: Hillsborough tries to fire its top three county executives, only to learn their severance contracts entitle them to every firstborn child in the county.

April 3: St. Petersburg Mayor Bill Foster defends hiring of his campaign manager for a $50,000 city job, saying, "I don't care if he's my illegitimate son." (Editor's note: Inappropriate punch line deleted.)

April 6: Fight at BayWalk complex in St. Petersburg is labeled an "isolated event," mostly because nobody else was there.

April 10: Florida Legislature passes law requiring all public school teachers to line up once a year to be kicked in the seat of the pants.

April 22: Minor incident in Gulf of Mexico.

April 28: Two state regulators who had refused to raise Floridians' electric rates are brutally taken out by the state Senate. Cassius, Brutus seen running from scene.

May 5: George Rekers, the "expert" paid $120,693 by Attorney General Bill McCollum to testify that gay adoption is icky, is caught with a male escort from the website Rentboy.com. No further joke required.

May 16: News conference by U.S. Navy Veterans Association to prove that it really exists ends abruptly when strong winds blow over all the cardboard cutouts.

May 19: Full-body scans begin at Tampa International along with guarantees that passenger privacy will be protected. Nice tattoo, by the way.

May 25: President Barack Obama criticized for lackluster response to oil spill. Swings into action with a nice speech.

May 31: Pam Bondi, a career prosecutor from Tampa, changes her first name to "Sarah" to run for attorney general.

June 2: Clearwater High School replaces books with e-readers, students with e-kids.

June 3: BP chief Tony Hayward apologizes for saying, "On the bright side, oil-covered ducks are easier to shoot."

June 4: St. Petersburg bans street solicitation despite protests from the St. Petersburg Times, advocates for the homeless and Monique "Boom-Boom" LaRue, 24.

June 9: FCAT scores are delayed because the state paid the testing company only $254 million, declining the "get scores on time" extended warranty.

June 15: Pushing and shoving erupts in the Panhandle when the supply of available beachfront is exceeded by the number of politicians seeking oil-spill camera time.

In Part II: Jim Norman forgets a house. DJ Kitty. Fake report links Marco Rubio, Beyonce.

The fake Tampa Bay and Florida year in review, Part I 12/25/10 [Last modified: Monday, December 27, 2010 5:11pm]
Photo reprints | Article reprints

© 2017 Tampa Bay Times

    

Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

Loading...
  1. Rays rally comes up short, freefall continues (w/video)

    The Heater

    ST. PETERSBURG — The Rays showed a little bit of offense on Saturday, but that wasn't enough to change the results that are becoming ridiculously routine, the 7-6 loss to Seattle the 12th in their last 15 games and 21st of their last 30.

    Rays first baseman Lucas Duda connects for a two-run home run in the sixth inning.
  2. 'Free speech rally' cut short after massive counterprotest

    Nation

    BOSTON — Thousands of demonstrators chanting anti-Nazi slogans converged Saturday on downtown Boston in a boisterous repudiation of white nationalism, dwarfing a small group of conservatives who cut short their planned "free speech rally" a week after a gathering of hate groups led to bloodshed in Virginia.

    Thousands of people march against a “free speech rally” planned Saturday in Boston. About 40,000 people were in attendance.
  3. Police pull unconscious New Port Richey man from SUV in Cotee River

    Accidents

    NEW PORT RICHEY — Police rescued an unconscious driver whose sport utility vehicle plunged into the Cotee River on Saturday.

  4. Analysis: Bannon is out, but his agenda may live on

    Politics

    WASHINGTON — In his West Wing office, Stephen Bannon kept a chart listing trade actions — on China, steel and autos — that the Trump White House planned to roll out, week by week, through the fall. Now that Bannon, the president's chief strategist, has been pushed out, the question is whether his …

    Steve Bannon thinks he could be more effective influencing policy from outside the White House.
  5. Trump to skip Kennedy Center Honors awards program

    Politics

    BRIDGEWATER, N.J. — Acknowledging that he has become a "political distraction," President Donald Trump has decided to skip the festivities surrounding the annual Kennedy Center Honors arts awards later this year, the White House announced Saturday amid the continuing fallout over Trump's stance on last weekend's …