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The fake Tampa Bay and Florida year in review, Part II

The mostly (but not entirely) fake Tampa Bay and Florida year in review, Part II:

July 1: Two candidates for Hillsborough County Commission accidentally fill out membership forms at Costco instead of qualifying papers.

July 3: Famous "Exploding Chicken" statute in Tampa broken down for temporary storage, divided into white and dark meat.

July 14: Company auditing the testing company responsible for late FCAT scores turns out to be employed by the testing company responsible for the late FCAT scores. Auditor's report: "Everything's peachy."

July 16: Jim Norman, a candidate for the state Senate from Hillsborough County, fails to disclose a $435,000 house hidden in his wife's name. No joke required here.

July 21: Gov. Charlie Crist calls emergency session of Legislature to ban oil drilling. Legislature meets just long enough to debate how to spell "Pffffffffffft."

July 24: Phi Beta Kappa again rejects the University of South Florida because of low graduation rates. School forced to settle for the lesser honor, Phi "Betty" Kappa.

July 29: To avoid letting citizens have any say, St. Petersburg City Council votes to replace the city with an exact replica of itself.

Aug. 9: Unfortunate accident involving Roman baths and 1,000-foot obelisk occurs during construction of courthouse in Tallahassee.

Aug. 10: Federal officials deny they tried to disperse gulf oil spill with 32 million gallons of red wine vinegar.

Aug. 12: Former Gov. Jeb Bush drags a curiously passive gubernatorial candidate Bill McCollum around the state, dressing McCollum in a baseball cap and sunglasses and moving his arms for him.

Aug. 15: State Rep. Kevin Ambler, R-Tampa, vows to "run over the opposition" in his campaign for state Senate.

Sept. 4: Police spokesman in St. Petersburg reassures public: "Statistically, gunfire at high school football games is very rare."

Sept. 20: The planet Jupiter makes its closest pass to Earth since 1963, prompting fresh complaints about President Barack Obama.

Sept. 21: Backers of rail tax in Hillsborough County promise to build "something or other really cool."

Sept. 22: Pinellas schools chief Julie Janssen proposes that all the high schools in the county switch places.

Oct. 5: DJ Kitty leads Tampa Bay Rays in playoff on-base percentage.

Oct. 18: State pension plan criticized for payments to advisers Larry, Moe and Curly (later replaced by Shemp).

Oct. 19: Candidate for governor Rick Scott, asked for his lunch order, takes the Fifth.

Nov. 2: Republican Party of Florida accidentally runs negative ad against itself. Florida Democratic Party too disorganized to counter.

Nov. 3: Election results described variously as a "tsunami," "tidal wave," a "flood" and a "torrent." Excuse me for a minute.

Nov. 16: Sen.-elect Marco Rubio becomes overnight national media darling; makes video with Beyonce.

Nov. 20: Long-elusive monkey is spotted signing robo-foreclosure forms, flees before capture.

Dec. 10: Gov. Charlie Crist and the state Cabinet pardon Jim Morrison for indecent exposure, Jimmy Buffett for Margaritaville.

Dec. 30: Gov.-elect Rick Scott discovers newspapers, puts a committee of columnists in charge of the state.

Dec. 31: State sinks into ocean.

The fake Tampa Bay and Florida year in review, Part II 12/27/10 [Last modified: Monday, December 27, 2010 6:18pm]
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