Overcast68° FULL FORECASTOvercast68° FULL FORECAST
Make us your home page
Instagram

The fake Tampa Bay and Florida year in review, Part II

The mostly (but not entirely) fake Tampa Bay and Florida year in review, Part II:

July 1: Two candidates for Hillsborough County Commission accidentally fill out membership forms at Costco instead of qualifying papers.

July 3: Famous "Exploding Chicken" statute in Tampa broken down for temporary storage, divided into white and dark meat.

July 14: Company auditing the testing company responsible for late FCAT scores turns out to be employed by the testing company responsible for the late FCAT scores. Auditor's report: "Everything's peachy."

July 16: Jim Norman, a candidate for the state Senate from Hillsborough County, fails to disclose a $435,000 house hidden in his wife's name. No joke required here.

July 21: Gov. Charlie Crist calls emergency session of Legislature to ban oil drilling. Legislature meets just long enough to debate how to spell "Pffffffffffft."

July 24: Phi Beta Kappa again rejects the University of South Florida because of low graduation rates. School forced to settle for the lesser honor, Phi "Betty" Kappa.

July 29: To avoid letting citizens have any say, St. Petersburg City Council votes to replace the city with an exact replica of itself.

Aug. 9: Unfortunate accident involving Roman baths and 1,000-foot obelisk occurs during construction of courthouse in Tallahassee.

Aug. 10: Federal officials deny they tried to disperse gulf oil spill with 32 million gallons of red wine vinegar.

Aug. 12: Former Gov. Jeb Bush drags a curiously passive gubernatorial candidate Bill McCollum around the state, dressing McCollum in a baseball cap and sunglasses and moving his arms for him.

Aug. 15: State Rep. Kevin Ambler, R-Tampa, vows to "run over the opposition" in his campaign for state Senate.

Sept. 4: Police spokesman in St. Petersburg reassures public: "Statistically, gunfire at high school football games is very rare."

Sept. 20: The planet Jupiter makes its closest pass to Earth since 1963, prompting fresh complaints about President Barack Obama.

Sept. 21: Backers of rail tax in Hillsborough County promise to build "something or other really cool."

Sept. 22: Pinellas schools chief Julie Janssen proposes that all the high schools in the county switch places.

Oct. 5: DJ Kitty leads Tampa Bay Rays in playoff on-base percentage.

Oct. 18: State pension plan criticized for payments to advisers Larry, Moe and Curly (later replaced by Shemp).

Oct. 19: Candidate for governor Rick Scott, asked for his lunch order, takes the Fifth.

Nov. 2: Republican Party of Florida accidentally runs negative ad against itself. Florida Democratic Party too disorganized to counter.

Nov. 3: Election results described variously as a "tsunami," "tidal wave," a "flood" and a "torrent." Excuse me for a minute.

Nov. 16: Sen.-elect Marco Rubio becomes overnight national media darling; makes video with Beyonce.

Nov. 20: Long-elusive monkey is spotted signing robo-foreclosure forms, flees before capture.

Dec. 10: Gov. Charlie Crist and the state Cabinet pardon Jim Morrison for indecent exposure, Jimmy Buffett for Margaritaville.

Dec. 30: Gov.-elect Rick Scott discovers newspapers, puts a committee of columnists in charge of the state.

Dec. 31: State sinks into ocean.

The fake Tampa Bay and Florida year in review, Part II 12/27/10 [Last modified: Monday, December 27, 2010 6:18pm]
Photo reprints | Article reprints

© 2014 Tampa Bay Times

    

Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

Loading...