Make us your home page
Instagram

Today’s top headlines delivered to you daily.

(View our Privacy Policy)

Bad Doggerel!: no rhyme, no reason

Brevity is said to be the soul of wit. Poetry is said to be the language of brevity. Ergo, short jokes told as poems are the language of the halfwit. Each of my poems below is based on a joke that, in its original form, was fewer than 20 words long.

Your Mama So Fat .271,

In the style of a Victorian limerick

At the risk of appearing bourgeois

Re: your mother's high avoirdupois:

Seems her 401(k)

Isn't linked to her pay

It's the size that is writ on her bra.

The Scarecrow's Big Day

In the style of an Edward Lear quatrain

Why did the scarecrow wind up with first prize

When the civic awards were revealed?

The answer, I think, we can safely surmise:

Out standing was he in his field.

The Bagpiper's Conundrum

In the style of Robert Burns

We've a question for ye then, for ye are auld and many things ye ken —

Tell us of those prideful bushy-legged men

W' bag and pipe in tartan skirt and swaggered, knob-kneed pride.

Why do they stand not still — for as they play they stride?

The auld man smiled. Gather round, I've an answer for ye, boys.

The pipers walk because they hope to flee from all that noise.

The Blonde and the Jigsaw Puzzle

In the style of a Shakespearean sonnet

I knew one time a yellow-headed bawd

And gave to her a puzzle made of wood.

The pieces were in shapes both small and odd

For her to reassemble (if she could).

Set she right down to solve it true and fast

But days of work did no solution bring

Soon fortnights, months and seasons also passed!

And still she labored with the blasted thing.

It took twelve months, but fin'lly it was done

She seemed unbowed — discouraged not, nor sick

I asked her if the puzzle'd brought her fun

She said it had! She felt she'd done it quick.

With pride, she smiled and toss'd her golden locks:

"See — 'four to six years' says it on the box!"

Your Mama So Fat .398,

In the style of a Japanese haiku

mother turns faucet

water cascades from above

feet do not get wet

© 2013 Washington Post Writers Group

Bad Doggerel!: no rhyme, no reason 02/02/13 [Last modified: Friday, February 1, 2013 10:13am]
Photo reprints | Article reprints

    

Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

Loading...
  1. 'Me too': Alyssa Milano urged assault victims to tweet in solidarity. The response was massive.

    Human Interest

    Actor Alyssa Milano took to Twitter on Sunday with an idea, suggested by a friend, she said.

    Within hours of Alyssa Milano’s tweet, tweets with the words “me too” began appearing. By 3 a.m. Monday, almost 200,000 metoo tweets were published by Twitter’s count.
  2. Tampa tax shelter schemer too fat for his prison term, attorney says

    Criminal

    TAMPA — A federal judge sentenced two Bay area men to prison terms last week for peddling an offshore tax shelter scheme that cost the IRS an estimated $10 million.

    Duane Crithfield and Stephen Donaldson Sr. were sentenced to prison after marketing a fraudulent offshore tax strategy known as a "Business Protection Plan" to medical practices, offering doctors and others coverage against unlikely events such as a kidnapping.

  3. Weinstein Co., overwhelmed by backlash, may be up for sale

    Corporate

    NEW YORK — The Weinstein Co., besieged by sexual harassment allegations against its namesake and co-founder, may be putting itself up for sale.

    Weinstein
  4. Trial begins in 2014 death of 19-month-old Tampa girl

    Criminal

    TAMPA — Even before his trial officially began, Deandre Gilmore had planted his gaze on the floor of Judge Samantha Ward's courtroom Monday, taking a deep breath and shifting in his seat as a pool of 60 potential jurors learned of his charges.

    Gilmore
  5. Rick Pitino officially fired by Louisville amid federal corruption probe

    College

    In an expected move, the University of Louisville Athletic Association's Board of Directors on Monday voted unanimously to fire men's basketball coach Rick Pitino. The decision came 19 days after Louisville acknowledged that its men's basketball program was being investigated as part of a federal corruption probe and …

    In this Oct. 20, 2016, file photo, Louisville head basketball coach Rick Pitino reacts to a question during a press conference in Louisville, Ky. Louisville's Athletic Association on Monday officially fired Pitino, nearly three weeks after the school acknowledged that its men's basketball program is being investigated as part of a federal corruption probe. [AP Photo/Timothy D. Easley, File]