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Editor's note: For years Andy Borowitz's satire has been syndicated but, sadly, he has never had a host newspaper, a place in the print world to call home. That changes today, as the St. Petersburg Times is proud to become the one and only official sponsoring newspaper for Borowitz and his humor.
TAMPA — Furious that their team has gotten off to a miserable 0-7 start, Tampa Bay Buccaneers fans took to the streets today to demand that their team start taking steroids at once.
About 1,000 Bucs fans participated in the pro-steroid demonstration, surprising some observers who did not know that the Bucs still had 1,000 fans.
Tracy Klugian, one of the demonstration's organizers, said that "if the Bucs really cared about the fans, they'd get juiced in time for today's game.
"These players seem to care about one thing and one thing only — passing their drug tests," he said. "Do you know what I call that? Selfish."
In other news, in St. Petersburg, Mayor-elect Bill Foster's contention that the Earth is only 6,000 years old was challenged today when it was pointed out that many residents of St. Petersburg are older than that.
And in national news, controversial TV host Lou Dobbs announced today that he was leaving CNN and would soon be joining the prime time lineup of the Cartoon Network.
Dobbs will be joining a schedule that includes such programs as Tom and Jerry and What's New, Scooby-Doo?
While a press release from the Cartoon Network called Mr. Dobbs' show "a perfect fit," Davis Logsdon, the chairman of the media studies department at the University of Minnesota, took a dimmer view.
"I think the addition of Lou Dobbs will be a tremendous blow to the Cartoon Network's credibility," he said.
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