Make us your home page
Instagram

Today’s top headlines delivered to you daily.

(View our Privacy Policy)

If, ands and really big butts

Editor's note: Gene Weingarten is away this week. This column originally appeared in 2006.

I recently found myself in New York, in the office of Dr. George Lefkovits, a Park Avenue plastic surgeon. I was there because I had read Dr. Lefkovits' ad in a magazine, and found the new procedure he was advertising to be so astonishing, so counterintuitive, so beyond the reasonable norms of medical science, that I decided he must be a genius or a madman. This demanded a field trip.

The doctor looks and sounds exactly like Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny. It made for an entertaining interview.

Me: Can you briefly describe this new, patented procedure which you pioneered?

Dr. Lefkovits: I try to improve, augment and re-profile buttocks. You see, people are unaware of the significance of buttocks, and the need to better balance the ...

Me: Let's cut to the chase. You make Americans' behinds bigger, right?

Dr. Lefkovits: Well, it is really a matter of creating a more aesthetically pleasing and more voluptuous buttock through additional projection.

Me: You add fat to the human buttock. You make Americans' behinds bigger.

Dr. Lefkovits: Yes.

Me: My God.

Dr. Lefkovits:

Me: Are you not aware, Doctor, that the American behind has been increasing in size almost exponentially over the years, to the point that the makers of bus, train and movie-theater seats have had to broaden them? That standard-length hypodermic needles no longer can penetrate the fat of modern-day buttocks to deliver their payload into muscle tissue? That we are the worldwide "butt" of jokes, even in Latvia, where the national diet staple is potato soup? And yet, despite all this, you offer this service? If, 20 years from now, the average American buttock resembles an igloo, and keister size reaches such epidemic proportions that people are participating in a Waddle for the Cure, will you feel responsible?

Dr. Lefkovits: No.

Me: And you call this patented procedure ... ?

Dr. Lefkovits: "The Brazilian Butt Fill."

Me: This is a Brazilian procedure?

Dr. Lefkovits: No, but you need a name for it. I came up with a name.

Me: And you charge ... ?

Dr. Lefkovits: Ten thousand dollars.

Me: And you are doing ... ?

Dr. Lefkovits: At least three or four a week.

Me: My God.

My astonishment turned to frank admiration. Maybe, as with the human behind, it's all in how you look at it. Rather than considering Dr. Lefkovits a criminal of medicine, it occurred to me that he might be a hero of marketing. If this man could sell butt enlargement surgery, he could probably sell anything. Penis reduction. Varicose-vein implants.

Me: I think you may be a visionary, a man who dares to think the unpopular thought.

Dr. Lefkovits: It is uncharted territory.

Me: Would you compare yourself more to Copernicus or Darwin?

Dr. Lefkovits: Those are not appropriate analogies. I'm making a major impact on lives, though. The niche is there, fulfilling a need for people desperate to increase their buttock projection. They've been wanting it their whole lives. Now, thank God, there's a method to help.

Me: So would you compare yourself to Jonas Salk?

Dr. Lefkovits modestly declined to make the comparison. He seemed like a nice guy, actually, so I decided to ask him to inspect my own personal behind. I dropped trou, and he took a picture. I wish he hadn't. I always thought I had a fairly good butt, but the photo made it clear that it is a little flat ("It's not a firm, ripe butt, not a whole lot of projection," the doc said), and also lopsided ("Definitely asymmetric," he said) and droopy ("There's some decreased elasticity"). He could help me a lot, he said, gently, by moving some of my belly fat into my right butt cheek. For 10 grand.

It was tempting, but for the 10 grand. And that's a big but.

© 2013 Washington Post Writers Group

If, ands and really big butts 06/08/13 [Last modified: Thursday, June 6, 2013 1:47pm]
Photo reprints | Article reprints

Copyright: For copyright information, please check with the distributor of this item, Washington Post - Writers Group.
    

Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

Loading...
  1. Lightning journal: Plans set for 25th anniversary celebration

    Lightning Strikes

    CHICAGO — The Lightning revealed some of its plans for its 25th anniversary season Friday, including a ceremony to honor the 2004 Stanley Cup team.

    PHILADELPHIA, PA - JUNE 27:  Anthony DeAngelo of the Tampa Bay Lightning poses for a portrait during the 2014 NHL Draft at the Wells Fargo Center on June 27, 2014 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images)
  2. Lightning picks defenseman Cal Foote

    Blogs

    While the Lightning is still trying to bolster its blueline via trade, it selected a big, right shot defenseman Cal Foote at No. 14 overall Friday in the NHL Draft.

    Cal Foote is the son of former Avs defenseman Adam Foote.
  3. Kids today: They don't work summer jobs the way they used to

    Business

    WASHINGTON — It was at Oregon's Timberline Lodge, later known as a setting in the horror movie The Shining, where Patrick Doyle earned his first real paycheck.

    Teens Ben Testa, from left, Hannah Waring and Abby McDonough, and Wegmeyer Farms owner Tyler Wegmeyer walk the strawberry rows at the Hamilton, Va., farm in late May.
  4. Jeb Bush back in the hunt for the Marlins, now opposing Derek Jeter

    Blogs

    Associated Press:

    Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush has switched sides in pursuit of the Miami Marlins, and he’s trying to beat out former teammate Derek Jeter.

  5. The Lightning's 2017-18 road jersey