Christmas carols for the angry elf

People dressed as Santa Claus participate in the annual bar crawl SantaCon earlier this month in New York City. [Photo by Stephanie Keith/Getty Images]
People dressed as Santa Claus participate in the annual bar crawl SantaCon earlier this month in New York City. [Photo by Stephanie Keith/Getty Images]
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(Sung to the tune of We Wish You a Merry Christmas)

We wish you would clean up this mess

We wish you would clean up this mess

We wish you would clean up this mess

Cuz itís Putnam we fear

We would vote for you

And buy you a gin

We need you for this mess

As govínor next year

We all hope John Morganís coming

We all hope John Morganís coming

We all hope John Morganís coming

You can even drink beer

We would stump for you

We know you can win

You can handle this mess

So donít be a rear

(Sung to the tune of White Christmas)

Iím dreaming of a quiet Christmas

Those loud liberals need to go

If only theyíd listen

Instead of dissiní

I might watch a CNN show

Iím dreaming of a quiet Christmas

Not every liberal needs to fight

May they be more kind to the right

And may Trump see colors besides white

(Sung to the tune of Let It Snow)

Oh the bullpen this year was frightful

Even Archer was less insightful

And since weíve now lost Longo

All is woe! All is woe! All is woe!

Rays show no signs of shopping

And attendance is still dropping

They really could use Vinikís dough

All is woe! All is woe! All is woe!

(Sung to the tune of Here Comes Santa Claus)

There goes Bakerís chance, there goes Bakerís chance

Right down Donald Trumpís drain

Twisting, resisting and all his campaign

Ducking him in vain

Polls are stinging, Dems are swinging

This felt like voter spite

Grab those red hats and Twitter shares

íCause Trumpís guy lost this fight

(Sung to the tune of Winter Wonderland)

Homeowners ring

No one listening

They complain

Still not listening

A despicable sight

Weíre fuming tonight

Construction boardís awful sleight of hand

Gone away with a curse word

Here to stay is a new herd

They say nothingís wrong

The new plan is strong

Will anyone get a reprimand?

(Sung to the tune of Joy to the World!)

Joy to the world! Tax cuts have come

Who cares if it will sting?

Let federal debt start to mushroom

And blame it on Ryan

And blame it on Ryan

And blame it on Ryan

Joy to the world! The wealthy gain

Let rich men all enjoy

With yachts and cars, mansions and planes

Write off the latest toy

Write off the latest toy

Write off the latest toy

(Sung to the tune of Hark! The Herald Angels Sing)

Hark! Another creepy fling

Canít these guys control this thing?

Congressman, are all too wild

Reputations have been defiled

Actors too, have been unwise

Shame is now the big door prize

Trading on their cash and fame

Pervy dudes are all so lame

Hark! Another creepy fling

Glory to the celibate wing

(Sung to the tune of Rockiní Around the Christmas Tree)

Sniffing around a Senate seat

Like a rich manís candy shop

Rick Scott looks like the man to beat

Causing Bill Nelsonís sweat flop

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