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Carlton: I wish my mother was here to see this

 
Published July 28, 2016

A lot of women in America probably had the same thought as I did this week:

Man, I wish my mom was still alive to see this.

Hillary Clinton just became the first woman with a true shot at becoming president of the United States, a gender accomplishment other countries that we consider inferior to us have somehow already managed.

No doubt this is less remarkable to younger women who have seen persons of their gender in power long enough not to notice. That they can be nonchalant is because of women who came before them, like my mother.

I always thought of her as having had unfortunate timing when it came to women's rights.

She was a wife, a mother, then a divorcee (such an elegant Mad Men word) at a time that women were being told they had come a long way, baby. (This was in fact the ad slogan for Virginia Slims, my mother's cigarette of choice.) In truth they had a ways to go.

Our neighborhood church still put up bulletin board notices telling the ladies to refrain from wearing pants because pants were offensive, though apparently not if they were worn by men. Panty hose were a required torture device. Feminism had arrived — it just hadn't had time to unpack.

Unlike her own mother and mother-in-law, she had a full-time job. She taught disabled children, not exactly an undemanding career choice. She was also expected to shoulder the kids and the household. And my father was hardly some mouth-breathing troglodyte — this division of labor was the norm in our suburban Miami neighborhood: She cooked, cleaned, shopped and was responsible for everything from permission slips to pediatrician dates. He took care of the yard and the cars. After all, he worked all week. That she did too went mostly unspoken.

Interestingly, it was on the family boat that things evened up. My mom was a short, skinny (and, since you ask, beautiful) woman with a knack for reeling in massive fish. She drove the boat, cut bait, rigged lines and dropped anchor as well as my dad. On the water they were equal. As a kid, you don't even realize you're noticing this.

My parents gave my sister and me an undramatic gift: Unlike a lot of our friends, we were never steered toward "women's" careers or given any hint that there existed goals we should not pursue. Younger women reading this will think I just started speaking Japanese, because this is something they largely take for granted. (Channeling Mom here: We still make roughly 79 cents to a man's dollar, so there's work to do.)

During the Democratic National Convention this week, I wanted to call her, to talk about Michelle Obama's strong speech — and okay, we probably would also have discussed that stunner of a blue dress. I wonder what she would think of Bill Clinton's love-letter-to-Hillary speech and whether he missed a chance to acknowledge his imperfections as a husband. (My mom might have used a different word from "imperfections.") I wish she was here to see a woman this close to being president, and to know her daughter has some inkling of what it took to get here.

Sue Carlton can be reached at carlton@tampabay.com.