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In the classic comedy film Monty Python and the Holy Grail, a peasant mocks King Arthur's claim that the Lady of the Lake presented him with the sword Excalibur.
"Listen," the peasant tells Arthur. "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."
And yet that method might make more sense than the way the Florida Legislature chooses its leaders, who hold great power over all of us.
Last week, the Republican majority in our state House of Representatives announced its choice for a new speaker, or presiding officer …
For the years 2014-16!
See, they've already got their speakers lined up before then.
This newly anointed speaker-in-waiting is named Chris Dorworth. He is a 33-year-old member from Lake Mary, and he was first elected to the House in 2007.
The things we learned right away about young Mr. Dorworth are that he is in foreclosure, that he is struggling to pay a $2.7 million legal judgment, that his driver's license was temporarily suspended over an insurance mixup, and that he was in a spot of trouble for not paying highway tolls.
And yet, I suppose, we should consider these things with a spirit of charity. After all, what do such little mishaps have to do with writing a $70 billion state budget, or presiding over the crafting of Florida's laws?
While I, back at the age of 33, had not managed to buy a house with six bedrooms and 10 bathrooms (!), let alone to be foreclosed on one, I certainly can see how it could happen to anybody.
No. There are other, even more interesting things about this.
First is the tiny fact that three elections must pass before Dorworth will be speaker. So much for competition. Incumbents are defeated so rarely that they can confidently lay these plans years in advance.
Next is that the race for power in Tallahassee is so accelerated these days that a whippersnapper, barely past his first term in office, is designated for power years in advance. This is convenient for the lobbyists, of course — they know how to address their checks.
But is he wise? Is he temperate? Is he a good leader? What does he have in mind for Florida's future? What kind of lawmaker will he be? One of his principal contributions so far was supporting the abolition of the state Department of Community Affairs, which deals with growth in our state.
For those of us outside Tallahassee, who gets chosen as a speaker is a crapshoot. We might get a fairly decent one; we might get a Johnnie Byrd or a Ray Sansom, the latter being the classic case of a man chosen years in advance who was in way over his head.
Third, these early selections are not based as much on merit or wisdom, proved over the years, as on which young member most quickly proves the best at raising money from interest groups and outmaneuvering peers.
In the best modern fashion, Dorworth has his own political committee, an outfit called "Citizens for an Enterprising Democracy." Its contributions total about $80,000 to date (really sort of puny, by Tallahassee standards), coming mostly from real estate and engineering interests. In turn, he has parceled out some of this money to his colleagues as campaign contributions, while putting much of it to his own political use.
So this is how the Legislature works. It is a horrible, stupid system, and even some of the people in it agree.
But how do we fix it? Can we outlaw politics? Can we make it illegal for the parties to choose their leaders in advance?
We should at least ban these political committees controlled by legislators. But I imagine that will have to be done by a citizen petition. The Legislature will never do such a thing itself.
As a basis of a system of government, the Lady of the Lake is looking pretty good.
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