Make us your home page
Instagram

Today’s top headlines delivered to you daily.

(View our Privacy Policy)

Et tu, Deveron, or, the fall of Rick Baker

BAKERUS CAESAR

A play in one act

by William Shakespeare

(Enter BAKERUS, Brutus Deveron GIBBONUS, Ken BURKUS, the SELECTION COMMITTEE and a SOOTHSAYER).

BAKERUS: Who is it in the crowd that calls on me? I hear a tongue shriller than all my guitar music cry out, "Caesar!" Speak, and I will hear.

SOOTHSAYER: Beware the ides of February.

BAKERUS: What man is that?

GIBBONUS: A man bids you, beware the ides of February.

BAKERUS: He is a dreamer, let us leave him.

(Exeunt all but GIBBONUS and BURKUS.)

BURKUS: Brutus, I observe you now of late;

I have not from your eyes the gentleness

And show of love for Caesar as you were wont to have.

GIBBONUS: Vexed I am of late with passions of some difference,

Related to my late campaign for mayor,

In which I full expected a word from he whom once I loved,

Nay, indeed — one who once elevated me to respect'd station

But in my time of direst need did stay his hand

And leave me to my fate. In short, the $&#@ didn't endorse me.

(A flourish and shout in the distance.)

But what means this shouting? I fear the board of trustees chooses him as the next president of St. Petersburg College.

BURKUS: Ye gods, it doth amaze me, that a man of such political temper should get to run a college.

Especially after the last guy.

(Enter CONSPIRATORS.)

ALL: Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble, we'll eliminate him, and on the double!

BURKUS: Wrong play, but we're with you.

[SCENE II]

(Enter all.)

BAKERUS (to Soothsayer): The ides of February have come.

SOOTHSAYER: Ay, Caesar, but not gone.

BURKUS (to Gibbonus): See, now, how our allies draw away Dick Johnstonus and Ken Welchius and flummox them with changes in the rules. Our time is near.

(The SELECTION COMMITTEE votes. BAKERUS is initially in the top three.)

JOHNSTONUS: Yes, Gibbonus? You would speak?

GIBBONUS: Clearly there are two best choices here,

And the rest are also-rans. I say we throw these back into the pot, and vote and vote again.

BAKERUS: Et tu, Brute? Then fall, Caesar!

(The SELECTION COMMITTEE sets upon him with rules changes and multiple votes. BAKERUS is eliminated from the list of finalists.)

[SCENE III]

(Enter all. GIBBONUS addresses the throng.)

GIBBONUS: If you demand to know why I rose against Caesar, this is my answer: Not that I loved Caesar less … well, okay. Actually, I loved him less.

WELCHIUS: Is this where I am supposed to say, "Friends, Romans, countrymen" and all that? Or is this the part where his ghost comes back and gets revenge and wins anyway?

GIBBONUS: I think that's a different play also.

JOHNSTONUS: Or the next act.

Et tu, Deveron, or, the fall of Rick Baker 02/05/10 [Last modified: Saturday, February 6, 2010 10:17pm]
Photo reprints | Article reprints

© 2017 Tampa Bay Times

    

Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

Loading...
  1. Shooting sends man to hospital in St. Pete

    Crime

    ST. PETERSBURG — Police were investigating a shooting that occurred around 4:40 p.m. on Tuesday and sent a man to the hospital.

  2. Police: Man tries to lure child with puppy in Polk County

    Crime

    Times staff

    HAINES CITY — A man was arrested Sunday after he tried to entice a young girl into his camper to view a puppy, according to police.

    Dale Collins, 63, faces a charge of luring or enticing a child under the age of 12. [Photo courtesy of the Polk County Sheriff's Office]
  3. Editorial: Coming together to reduce car thefts

    Editorials

    The simple, knee-jerk response to the juvenile car theft epidemic in Pinellas County would be to crack down on offenders with an increased police presence and stiffer sentences. Thankfully, local community leaders did not stop there. As detailed in a recent Tampa Bay Times follow-up to its 
As detailed in a recent Tampa Bay Times follow-up to its "Hot Wheels" investigation into youth car thefts, a variety of ideas from multiple directions increases the odds of actually solving the cause and not just treating the symptoms.

  4. Editorial: Floridians' health care now at risk in Washington

    Editorials

    The health care for millions of Floridians is now at risk. The U.S. Senate's dramatic vote Tuesday to begin debate on repealing and replacing the Affordable Care Act with no idea what will happen is a dangerous gamble with American lives and the national economy. Barring an unexpected bipartisan compromise, a handful of …

    Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., dramatically returned to the Senate for the first time since his brain cancer was diagnosed and cast the key vote that enabled Vice President Mike Pence to break the 50-50 tie and allow the health care debate to proceed.
  5. Former Marine from Florida dies fighting for Kurdish militia

    ORLANDO — A former Marine who secretly traveled to Syria earlier this year to battle the Islamic State was killed while fighting for a Kurdish militia, his father said Tuesday.

    David Taylor, with his father David Taylor Sr., was killed earlier this month in Syria while fighting for a Kurdish militia.