Sunday, May 27, 2018
Politics

Seeking: Excellent, or conscious, Democratic candidate for Congress

PERSONAL ADS

March 12, 2014

Democratic Party seeks perfect congressional candidate

Think you have what it takes to fix Washington, D.C.? Enjoy long walks on the beach with potential voters? The Florida Democratic Party has a job for you! We are seeking well-qualified, well-spoken, well-intended candidates for Pinellas County's congressional seat. Pay no mind to the Republican currently in the office. Democrats will soon prevail in the name of universal health care and America.

So why did Democrats lose the recent special election? Just to clear the way for you! The perfect candidate will have a law degree with previous experience in the public sector and be an excellent fundraiser. Military experience is a bonus, and candidates will be thoroughly vetted. Smokers need not apply.

Send resumes to [email protected]

March 26, 2014

Democratic Party seeks excellent congressional candidate

Plenty of time still left to meet the job of your dreams. You will dance, you will sing, you will legislate. Money is no object; the Florida Democratic Party will bankroll you.

Do not sell yourself short. Imperfections are sexy. You might lack a college degree, but experience with unemployment can be a plus on the campaign trail. Belief in climate change is a must, but support for Obamacare is negotiable.

Look for us online at linked­in.com.

April 9, 2014

Democratic Party seeks interested congressional candidates

Response has been so overwhelming, we are extending the deadline to apply for this once-in-a-lifetime chance. As America's all-inclusive party, we will not discriminate against anyone seeking the nomination for the Pinellas congressional district.

Do not fret if youthful indiscretions have led to a previous arrest or two. Expert expunging is all part of our candidate makeover package. We do prefer a native of Pinellas County, but a P.O. Box somewhere in Tampa Bay is also acceptable.

Apply on Twitter under #longshot.

April 16, 2014

Democratic Party seeks coherent U.S. citizens

Limited-time offer. Run for Congress now, and we guarantee Charlie Crist will appear at a minimum of two campaign events. (One appearance may be limited to driving within 100 feet of the candidate and repeatedly honking the horn while waving.)

Potential candidates should be aware that drug use is frowned upon during official campaign events.

Forward your match.com video to us.

April 23, 2014

Democratic Party seeks … someone

Dead-end job got you down? Tired of living in your parents' basement? You might want to consider the Democratic Party's nomination for Congress in Pinellas County.

No application will be ignored. While special consideration will be given to registered Democrats, we will not rule out Republicans, Libertarians, the Green Party, Whigs and Communists. (Proletariats only, please.)

See Chet at the Post Office for relevant forms.

May 8, 2014

Former Democratic Party staffers seek meeting with David Jolly

Off to a great start, Congressman Jolly!

Might there be any job openings in your office?

Comments
Former President George H.W. Bush hospitalized in Maine

Former President George H.W. Bush hospitalized in Maine

BIDDEFORD, Maine — A spokesman for former President George H.W. Bush says the 93-year-old was experiencing low blood pressure and has been hospitalized. Spokesman Jim McGrath tweeted just after 2 p.m. Sunday that Bush will likely remain in the hospit...
Updated: 2 hours ago
More LGBT issues loom as justices near wedding cake decision

More LGBT issues loom as justices near wedding cake decision

WASHINGTON — A flood of lawsuits over LGBT rights is making its way through courts and will continue, no matter the outcome in the Supreme Court’s highly anticipated decision in the case of a Colorado baker who would not create a wedding cake for a s...
Published: 05/26/18
Carlton: Sometimes taxpayers pay for not doing the right thing

Carlton: Sometimes taxpayers pay for not doing the right thing

I may have cracked the code. Found a way to sell doing the right thing. Discovered a method of persuasion in certain matters of fairness, conscience and the greater good.Like giving our fellow Americans a second chance.When morality-based arguments d...
Published: 05/26/18
North Korea demolishes nuclear test site as journalists watch

North Korea demolishes nuclear test site as journalists watch

PUNGGYE-RI, North Korea — North Korean leader Kim Jong Un made good on his promise to demolish his country’s nuclear test site, which was formally closed in a series of huge explosions Thursday as a group of foreign journalists looked on. The explosi...
Published: 05/24/18
Trump violated the Constitution when he blocked his critics on Twitter, a federal judge rules

Trump violated the Constitution when he blocked his critics on Twitter, a federal judge rules

President Donald Trump’s decision to block his Twitter followers for their political views is a violation of the First Amendment, a federal judge ruled Wednesday, saying that Trump’s effort to silence his critics is not permissible under the U.S. Con...
Published: 05/23/18
All those city services that fuel Lightning fever? Team, not taxpayers, foot the bill

All those city services that fuel Lightning fever? Team, not taxpayers, foot the bill

TAMPA — All those public watch parties during the Tampa Bay Lightning’s postseason run? And how about the rally at Joe Chillura Courthouse Square Park with the big white Lightning logo spray-painted on the grass? You need police to prote...
Published: 05/23/18
Romano: A pathetic legacy for Florida’s all-or-nothing Democrats

Romano: A pathetic legacy for Florida’s all-or-nothing Democrats

Explain this to me: In the world of partisan politics, how is being an independent thinker a bad thing? When it comes to general elections, we seem to like rogues and mavericks. We want outsiders and swamp scrubbers. Folks appreciate a good finger-...
Published: 05/22/18
‘World’s most expensive Witch Hunt’: Trump lashes out at New York Times, Democrats

‘World’s most expensive Witch Hunt’: Trump lashes out at New York Times, Democrats

WASHINGTON - President Donald Trump lashed out Sunday at "the World’s most expensive Witch Hunt," trashing a new report in the New York Times that said an emissary representing the governments of Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates offered help...
Published: 05/20/18
Obama’s education secretary: Let’s boycott school until gun laws change

Obama’s education secretary: Let’s boycott school until gun laws change

Former Education Secretary Arne Duncan pushed a radical idea on Twitter: Parents should pull their children out of school until elected officials pass stricter gun control laws.His tweet came hours after a shooting rampage at a Houston-area high scho...
Published: 05/20/18
China offers to buy more US products to reduce trade imbalance

China offers to buy more US products to reduce trade imbalance

WASHINGTON - China offered to boost its annual purchases of U.S. products by "at least $200 billion" Friday as two days of talks aimed at averting an open breach between the two countries ended in Washington, a top White House adviser said.Larry Kudl...
Published: 05/19/18