Look! Up in the sky! It's the lieutenant governor!

The scene: The state aircraft hangar in Tallahassee. Action music plays as Lt. Gov. Jeff Kottkamp emerges from a car and strides purposefully toward the state aircraft.

PILOT: Ready to go, sir.

KOTTKAMP: Good. We have to get to this emergency meeting of the State Rutabaga Board, which, coincidentally, is being held in my home town of Cape Coral and requires flying to the Fort Myers airport.

PILOT: Rrrroger that, sir. (Pushes various buttons as the aircraft revs up): All right. Tango delta. Niner niner. (Via radio) This is Florida Two requesting clearance for takeoff. This is a rutabaga emergency, repeat, a rutabaga emergency.

TOWER: Florida Two, rrroger, cleared for takeoff. Godspeed, Mr. Lieutenant Governor.

CO-PILOT: Ready for theme music?

PILOT: Rrrroger. Cue theme music. (Music plays to the theme of Spider-Man.)

Lieutenant gov, lieutenant gov,

Action man in the sky above.

KOTTKAMP: All right. What other vital state functions that I must fulfill as lieutenant governor are on the schedule, with the lion's share of them requiring that I fly on state aircraft to Fort Myers at taxpayer expense?

AIDE: Sir, we have the Council on Shoe Widths, the Board of Neckties and the Florida Commission on Why You Can Never Find a Bowling Ball with Holes Just the Right Size.

KOTTKAMP: Wait a minute, the Board of Neckties does not require flying to Fort Myers.

AIDE: No, sir. So we'll just have to send an empty plane across the state to pick you up, like always.

KOTTKAMP: And after you send a plane to pick me up, we'll stop at Fort Myers?

AIDE: Of course, sir.

(An alarm goes off in cockpit. Pilot and co-pilot urgently push a flurry of buttons.)

PILOT: Sir, there's a message saying there appears to be a problem in Tallahassee with the governor.

KOTTKAMP: What is it?

PILOT: There are reports that the governor is suddenly being … being …

KOTTKAMP: Spit it out!

PILOT: He's being … pessimistic. Apparently he accidentally read the state budget and said, "This can't be fixed with cheap slogans and a smile."

KOTTKAMP: Wait a minute. The governor said that something couldn't be fixed with a cheap slogan and a smile? Our governor? Charlie Crist?

(A hush fills the cabin.)

AIDE: Clearly something is wrong. You may have to assume emergency powers, sir. And of course you'll need a bigger security detail.

KOTTKAMP: No! I can't possibly interrupt my vital duties of flying back and forth on state aircraft to preside over the Board of Thumbtacks, which, coincidentally, requires flying to Fort Myers.

AIDE: Then what shall we do, sir?

KOTTKAMP: Send word to Tallahassee. Fire whoever actually let him see a copy of the budget. And tell them we're on the way to save the day. Now, pilot — let's turn this baby around. After we stop at Fort Myers.

PILOT: Yes, sir! Activate theme music.

CO-PILOT: Rrrroger. Theme music activated.

Lieutenant gov, lieutenant gov …