Make us your home page

Today’s top headlines delivered to you daily.

(View our Privacy Policy)

If you think it's weird in Florida now, just wait

June 1 (Actual, true item): Gov. Charlie Crist lays waste to Florida by signing a law allowing developers to build whatever they want without regard for impact on roads.

June 30 (Actual, true item): Crist signs another law allowing secret approval of big water-use permits. He adds a letter asking water districts not to do it even though he just said they could.

July 5: Crist accidentally signs and vetoes a bill at the same time, creating a constitutional and legal crisis. Asked which action he intended, Crist answers: "Yes."

July 7: Crist signs a law allowing for paving over of state parks: "I mean, why are they called 'parks' unless there's a place to do it?"

July 9: Ill feelings erupt at state aircraft hangar in Tallahassee when Lt. Gov. Jeff Kottkamp and the entire state Cabinet simultaneously attempt to commute home for the weekend.

July 9: Crist signs various bills with the messages: "As I see it, yes," "It is certain," "Outlook good," and, "Ask again later." Aides discover a Magic 8-Ball on governor's desk.

July 12: Florida Supreme Court rules that "Concentrate and try again" is a valid veto message.

July 15: In response to secret election to choose new Pinellas-Pasco chief judge, local taxpayers announce Pinellas-Pasco judges will be paid with "secret paychecks."

July 17: Florida Senate instructs its members and staffers not to cooperate with investigations by CSI: Miami.

Aug. 1: Yet another document is discovered in the Ray Sansom case, not previously released by Northwest Florida State College despite multiple public-records requests, stating: "Look, it's a freakin' aircraft hangar, okay?"

Aug. 4: Attorney General Bill McCollum and state Chief Financial Office Alex Sink spend an entire Cabinet meeting saying to each other, "I know you are, but what am I?"

Aug. 8: Pinellas School Board member Nina Hayden announces that if she is elected to the state Senate, she will immediately run for something else.

Aug. 10: Senate President Jeff Atwater is caught gigging sea turtles in front of a coastal condominium complex. His comment: "I thought you said beach nourishment."

Aug. 14: Revelation that the recently botched vote in Iran was subcontracted to former Hillsborough County Elections Supervisor Buddy Johnson, who spent $3.4 million on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad ink pens.

Aug. 22: Fourteen-mile long algae bloom, still spreading in Tampa Bay, is annexed by St. Petersburg and sent a property tax bill.

Aug. 30: Class-action lawsuit filed against "everybody else in the world" by the Association of Teen Mothers With Violent Ex-Boyfriends and People Who Get Into Deadly Fights in McDonald's Drive-Through Lanes.

Sept. 1: Legislature announces new "Everybody Has to Pay $5,000 More So We Can Still Claim We Didn't Raise Your Taxes" fee.

Sept. 3: Crist signs the "Feed Nuclear Waste to Little Kids Act of 2009," explaining his decision by saying: "It's all about the children. After all, children are our future."

Sept. 10: The entire field of candidates for state attorney general is kidnapped and held hostage for four days before anyone notices.

Sept. 14: Crist appoints Buddy Johnson as Hillsborough elections supervisor ("a man of experience").

Sept. 20: Crist destroys Tokyo.

If you think it's weird in Florida now, just wait 07/04/09 [Last modified: Saturday, July 4, 2009 5:41pm]
Photo reprints | Article reprints

© 2017 Tampa Bay Times


Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

  1. Senate Obamacare effort dies; Rubio in favor of repeal, Nelson against


    WASHINGTON - The Senate Republican effort to Obamacare failed early Friday, with John McCain providing a decisive vote.

    The Senate vote
  2. Senate ponders health care bill it doesn't want to be law


    Buoyed by a signal from House Speaker Paul Ryan, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell introduced a pared-down health care bill late Thursday that he hoped would keep alive Republican ambitions to repeal Obamacare.

    Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., left, and Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., expressed concerns about passing the “skinny repeal” of Obamacare without assurances of further negotiations.
  3. Arrest made in shooting death of 19-year-old found in lot


    A 20-year-old Tampa man was arrested Thursday night for the shooting death of a 19-year-old whose body was discovered in a vacant lot on Tuesday.

  4. Rays fall to Yankees in 11 on Brett Gardner homer (w/ video)

    The Heater

    NEW YORK — The front office did its part Thursday, making two trades to bolster the roster in a push for the playoffs. But the Rays didn't follow up in a frustrating 6-5 11-inning loss to the Yankees.

    Rays reliever Andrew Kittredge stands on the mound and can only watch as the Yankees’ Brett Gardner starts to circle the bases after his walkoff home run leading off the 11th inning.
  5. Believe it! Rays are buyers, trade for reliever Dan Jennings and 1B/DH Lucas Duda

    The Heater

    NEW YORK — Dan Jennings' ability to render lefty hitters useless with a sinker that gets beaten into the ground and Lucas Duda's power to blast baseballs off and over outfield walls should make the Rays better.

    Lucas Duda