Make us your home page
Instagram

Today’s top headlines delivered to you daily.

(View our Privacy Policy)

Howard Troxler comes a-caroling — again

Up at the Courthouse

Up at the courthouse, quick, quick, quick, the district court was really slick,

To steal dough for its Taj Mahal, mahogany and granite, y'all!

Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go? Ho, ho, ho! Now they'll go,

In private loos with soundproof walls, and fancy artwork in the halls!

Rick Scott, the Long-shot Candidate

Rick Scott, the long-shot candidate, had a lot of dough to spend, but when he started running, no one ever thought he'd win.

All of the other Republicans used to laugh and call him names; they wanted Bill McCollum to play the standard Tally game.

Then one shiny 'lection night, the voters came to say:

"Though you could have been indicted, McCollum leaves us unexcited."

Then how the lobbyists loved him, and gladly shouted one and all,

"Rick Scott, the long-shot candidate, here's $2 million for your ball!"

God Rest Ye Merry, Democrats

God rest ye merry, Democrats, by voters now disdained, guilt by assoc-i-a-a-tion with that whole health-care thing,

And stim-u-lus reviled by Fox, Reed- and Pelosi-stained,

And Joe Biden, and Barack Obama too, (Obama too), by Joe Biden and Barack O-bama too.

Voucher Wonderland

Take the cash from public schools, hand it out with brand-new rules,

It's a logical step to pay for Country Club Prep, with the dough that comes from Voucher Wonderland!

In the springtime we'll again kill tenure, and stick the public teachers with more tests,

If they squawk we'll tell them, "Well, so then you're

"A dinosaur, 'cause private schools are best!"

Very soon, we'll bust the union, send K-through-12 to ruin,

While the tax money goes to everybody who knows that it's time to rip off Voucher Wonderland.

O, Little Town of St. Pete Beach

O, little town of St. Pete Beach, how bitter is your strife,

O'er whether you will build new things, or give such plans the knife.

The rest of us have lost hope that you might reconcile,

For since I started writing this, six more lawsuits were filed.

Good Queen Pam-e-las

Good Queen Pam-e-las looked out on her would-be successors,

Privately she reckoned them, some greater, and some lesser,

"Eight years I have set things straight," she said, and did not rue it,

"But if the wrong one wins, he'll need just six weeks to undo-oo it."

I Saw the Florida Chamber of Commerce Kissing Mike Haridopolos

(Note: No room for lyrics after printing the title.)

Howard Troxler comes a-caroling — again 12/22/10 [Last modified: Thursday, December 23, 2010 7:10am]
Photo reprints | Article reprints

© 2017 Tampa Bay Times

    

Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

Loading...
  1. What you need to know about Clearwater's $55 million waterfront plan

    Growth

    CLEARWATER — It's the most aggressive revitalization investment the city has proposed in years and somewhat of a Hail Mary strategy to give visitors a daily reason to come downtown. The $55 million Imagine Clearwater plan unveiled in February calls for reshaping Coachman Park and the waterfront to have more …

    Renderings of the city's $55 million Imagine Clearwater waterfront redevelopment plan show the goal for the redeveloped waterfront. Much of the plan hinges on voters passing a Nov. 7 referendum question, which would allow for development on the Bluff.

  2. Philanthropist Helen DeVos, wife of Orlando Magic owner and mother of Betsy, dies at 90

    Obituaries

    GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Helen J. DeVos, a philanthropist from western Michigan known for her support of children's health, Christian education and the arts, has died at age 90, her family said Thursday.

    Orlando Magic owner Rich DeVos, left, waves to fans while watching court side with his wife, Helen, during the first half of an NBA basketball game against the Chicago Bulls in Orlando. The family of Helen DeVos said the philanthropist from western Michigan known for her support of children's health, Christian education and the arts has died. She was 90. Her family said she died Wednesday, Oct. 18, of complications from a stroke following a recent diagnosis of myeloid leukemia. [Associated Press]
  3. Authorities: A man named 'Cabbage' sold soap, not cocaine, to undercover detective

    Public Safety

    CLEARWATER

    Authorities: A man named 'Cabbage' sold soap, not cocaine, to undercover detective

  4. Former Jabil executive again found guilty in 2008 double-murder

    Criminal

    Patrick Evans, the former Jabil executive charged with the deaths of his wife and her friend, was found guilty by a jury Wednesday night.

    Patrick Evans talks with Allison Miller, one of his three public defenders, before jury selection continues in his trial Wednesday 10/11/2017. Patrick Evans, a former Jabil executive charged with killing his estranged wife and her friend almost ten years ago, was back in court for a second trial after his original death sentence conviction was overturned by the Florida Supreme Court.
  5. Hooper: After living through them, she pulls people out of credit woes

    Columns

    Atlanta, a place known for rising from the ashes of the Civil War to become an international city, proved to be a perfect backdrop for Artricia James-Heard's own rise from what she calls "a very vulnerable time in her life."

    Artricia James-Heard