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LOST (the Florida politics edition)


(Florida version)

For the role of Jack, Marco Rubio.

No, really. Rubio is the best fit for Jack. He's been transformed into a man of faith, a believer in destiny, with himself as the chosen one.

That probably means Charlie Crist has to be Locke, the early, sort-of-hapless Locke. He used to be a man of faith (Republican) who lost his place in a confused muddle. Now he is accused of being an imposter, a fake.

Alex Sink, sorry to say, does not get to be Kate or Juliet. She might be Sun, destined (in one time line, at least) to share a common doom with her husband. The two of them also could be Adam and Eve.

Bill McCollum is Frogurt.

The Legislature is the Smoke Monster — inchoate, bellowing, terrifying.

The state of Florida, of course, is the Island itself. At its heart there lies a sunny, beatific light. Some people want to put it out. Some people claim they are trying to protect it. Some claim it does not need protecting at all.

The Tampa Bay Rays are Hurley — once self-loathing and worried about being cursed, but now the most noble and beloved of all.

Jeb Bush is the original Man In Black. Technically that would make Barbara Bush the original Mother, but she would be a pretty fair Mrs. Hawking, too.

Otherwise, Paula Dockery might work as the mysteriously wise Mrs. Hawking, if she would consider cooperating by dyeing her hair white.

In the role of Sayid, the pre-redemption Sayid who was a dark-hearted torturer and assassin — BP.

For reasons including irony, Bill Foster as high school science teacher Leslie Arzt.

Pam Iorio is the idealistic Dharma Initiative. Just substitute "mass transit" for "electromagnetism."

In the role of the conniving, side-switching, say-whatever-it-takes Ben — the political consultant of your choice.

Charlie Justice is Bernard, well meaning but somewhat flummoxed. Also possible as Bernard: Kendrick Meek.

George LeMieux is Richard Alpert, a man who labored for long years in loyalty until he felt betrayed by the object of that loyalty.

For the corporate robber-baron Charles Widmore: Barney Bishop, the head of Associated Industries of Florida. Runnerup: Florida's electric companies.

Kate is a problem. Juliet, too. Good candidates for the future would be Holly Benson or Pam Bondi, if one of them gets elected attorney general.

As Sawyer: the U.S. Navy Veterans Association.

As Jacob: Tampa Bay's mystery monkey. He's showing up everywhere, after all, sighted in brief, exciting encounters.

Me? I'd like to think of myself as Desmond. I worry about being more like Miles. Most likely I'm a Red Shirt killed in the first episode.

In any case, namaste.

LOST (the Florida politics edition) 05/22/10 [Last modified: Saturday, May 22, 2010 6:01pm]
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