Make us your home page

Today’s top headlines delivered to you daily.

(View our Privacy Policy)

The fake year in review, Part I

Jan. 1: State minimum wage increases by 42 cents an hour. Floridians switch from bread to cake.

Jan. 6: No more free beer at Busch Gardens. Other people's kids now much more annoying.

Jan. 7: Ballot boxes bought by former Hillsborough elections chief Buddy Johnson cost $1,850 apiece. Explanation: fur-lined.

Jan. 8: The Legislature changes name of "Florida Forever" land-buying program to "We Were Just Kidding."

Jan. 10: A report that ranks Pinellas schools high in spending on bureaucrats is disputed by the Assistant Deputy to the Third Associate Superintendent.

Jan. 20: Participants in "Lingerie Bowl" object to proposed nudist-camp locale on the grounds it "makes a mockery of our sport."

Jan. 28: State Farm to stop insuring Florida homes, keep insuring cars. Fortunately, a record number of Floridians are living in their cars.

Feb. 1: Criminals steal St. Petersburg City Hall in broad daylight. Response from police Chief Chuck Harmon: "Thefts of City Hall are statistically rare."

Feb. 11: Gov. Charlie Crist does not stand on stage with President Barack Obama to endorse the stimulus. He doesn't hug him, either.

Feb. 11: Lawyer for a troubled appeals judge blames judge's resignation on "aspersions." Stripper Christy "Aspersions" Yamanaka unavailable for comment.

Feb. 14: A universally loved dean at the University of South Florida generously gives a $100 bicycle as a gift to a friend.

Feb. 19: A record 95,000 applications are pending for concealed weapons in Florida before President Obama can take them away and make everybody wear pink undies.

March 3: Temporary shortage of money cripples Tallahassee after fundraisers for the Legislature.

March 7: An athletics scandal at Florida State University causes deep soul searching over How This Affects Coach Bowden's Record.

March 17: Tampa Bay's desalination plant breaks down when flu strikes the hamsters in the little wheels.

April 3: Entire state work force retires to start collecting pension, gets rehired.

April 7: Acquitted student Youssef Megahed is rearrested by Inspector Javert.

April 18: Grand jury blasts the Legislature's corrupt culture. The Legislature scratches its butt and burps.

May 2: Nuclear power plant: delayed. Advance billing to customers for nuclear power plant: not delayed.

May 5: Pinellas County renames it the "Brooker Creek Water Pipe and Caustic Chemical Preserve."

May 7: The world briefly stops rotating for opening of an IKEA store in Tampa.

May 20: Slumlord Steven Green begins prison sentence with roaches, no hot water.

May 20: Pinellas grants $850,000 "relocation incentive" to a Nigerian prince.

May 27: St. Petersburg refuses to allow Pride flags on public streets unless they are kept inside little closets.

June 12: Hillsborough County Administrator Pat Bean checks wrong box where it says, "Give/do not give pay raise to self."

June 25: Flights to and from Tallahassee are suspended because Alex Sink and Bill McCollum have booked all available airspace.

Coming Thursday: State pension fund blown on Lotto tickets; end of Hogan divorce case creates news shortage.

The fake year in review, Part I 12/28/09 [Last modified: Monday, December 28, 2009 10:21pm]
Photo reprints | Article reprints

© 2017 Tampa Bay Times


Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

  1. Judge throws out $458,000 condo sale, says Clearwater attorney tricked bidders

    Real Estate

    CLEARWATER — Pinellas County Circuit Judge Jack St. Arnold on Monday threw out the $458,100 sale of a gulf-front condo because of what he called an "unscrupulous" and "conniving" scheme to trick bidders at a foreclosure auction.

    John Houde, left, whose Orlando copany was the high  bidder June 8 at the foreclosure auction of a Redington Beach condo, looks in the direction of Clearwater lawyer and real estate investor Roy C. Skelton, foreground,  during a hearing Monday before Pinellas County Circuit Judge Jack St. Arnold.  [DOUGLAS R. CLIFFORD   |   Times ]
  2. Vision Zero plan to make Hillsborough roads safer to be unveiled


    TAMPA — Vision Zero, the coalition trying to make Hillsborough County safer for bicyclists and pedestrians, is set to unveil its action plan on Tuesday morning.

    Members of the Vision Zero workshop cross Hillsborough Avenue and Kelly Road during a on-street audit of Town 'N Country roads in January. [JAMES BORCHUCK  |   Times]
  3. Pasco EDC names business incubator head in Dade City, will open second site


    Pasco County economic development officials are busy reigniting their business start-up resources following the departure earlier this year of Krista Covey, who ran the Pasco Economic Development Council's SMARTStart business incubator in Dade City.

    Andrew Romaner was promoted this summer to serve as program director of the Dade City SMARTStart Entrepreneur Center, a start-up incubator service of the Pasco Economic Development Council. He succeeds Krista Covey, who relocated to Texas for another startup position. [Courtesy of Pasco EDC]
  4. What you need to know for Tuesday, Aug. 22


    Catching you up on overnight happenings, and what you need to know today.

    Clearwater lawyer and real estate investor Roy C. Skelton, center, attends a hearing on Monday Circuit Court Judge Jack St. Arnold at the Pinellas County Courthouse in Clearwater. The hearing was requested by attorneys representing John Houde, left, who filed a motion to invalidate the sale of a $458,000 Redington Beach condo, a deal orchestrated by Skelton, who stands accused of deliberately misleading bidders in a the June 8 foreclosure auction. [DOUGLAS R. CLIFFORD | Times]
  5. Sarasota GOP names Dick Cheney 'Statesman of the Year'


    Former Vice President Dick Cheney will be honored as "Statesman of Year" by the Sarasota GOP, a title that twice went to Donald Trump.

    Dick and Liz Cheney