Feeling rundown? Is D.C. gridlock keeping you awake, and campaign financing ruining your appetite? Now, there is a prescription formulated especially for you. Introducing Donald Trump as America's CEO. A fast-acting vote-getter with none of the partisan hangups of establishment candidates. Use only as directed.
Romano: Think Donald Trump as America's CEO will cure your ills? Think again
|Vanity 98mg||Ego boost|
|Avarice 9mg||Bank boost|
Þ An earlier version of this product was tested in Florida involving Rick Scott as CEO. Results indicate a high risk of voter regret. Nausea, hypertension and diminished intellect occur in some voters.
Þ May increase risk of emasculation for N.J. governors.
|Ask a doctor before you vote if you have ever seen Gov. Scott acting like a bully and ticking off a Legislature dominated by his own party.|
|When using this product |
Þ marked bigotry may occur toward Mexican, Muslim and Mitt Romney communities Þ alcohol and sedatives may make life more bearable Þ excitability may occur among some media outlets
|Stop use and seek congressional help if CEO claims bankruptcy is a legit strategy.|
|Keep out of reach of the NRA. In case of Second Amendment pandering, prepare to buy your own Glock.|
|Who should use this product? |
Do not vote for CEO if:
Þ You enjoy regular check-ups and health insurance.
Þ You believe president and potty mouth are incompatible ideals.
Þ You have concerns about being outsourced to China.
|Other information |
Þ Based on previous experience in Florida, a CEO as politician may lead to costly and moronic lawsuits due to a penchant for issuing unconstitutional edicts involving guns, abortions, drug tests and immigration.
Þ Contrary to rhetoric, self-funding a campaign does not guarantee independence. Utilities, private prison corporations, insurance companies, managed health care organizations and anyone else with a $10,000 cashier's check could purchase political influence in a similar test study in Florida.
Þ A huge wall may be a sign of a more serious condition.
Þ Voting for a CEO can lead to massive deregulation, and denial of scientific facts.
Þ Manufacturer disavows any knowledge of Trump University, Trump Vodka and, especially, Trump Steaks.
|Inactive ingredients |
Conscience, self-awareness, humility, restraint, empathy, principles and combs.
|Questions or comments |
Contact Florida voters for additional hazards and fears.