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Romano: Think Donald Trump as America's CEO will cure your ills? Think again

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gives a thumbs-up as he speaks at campaign stop, Thursday in Portland, Maine.

Associated Press

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gives a thumbs-up as he speaks at campaign stop, Thursday in Portland, Maine.

Feeling rundown? Is D.C. gridlock keeping you awake, and campaign financing ruining your appetite? Now, there is a prescription formulated especially for you. Introducing Donald Trump as America's CEO. A fast-acting vote-getter with none of the partisan hangups of establishment candidates. Use only as directed.

Drug facts
Active

ingredients
Purpose
Vanity 98mg Ego boost
Avarice 9mg Bank boost
Warnings

 

Þ An earlier version of this product was tested in Florida involving Rick Scott as CEO. Results indicate a high risk of voter regret. Nausea, hypertension and diminished intellect occur in some voters.

Þ May increase risk of emasculation for N.J. governors.

Ask a doctor before you vote if you have ever seen Gov. Scott acting like a bully and ticking off a Legislature dominated by his own party.
When using this product

Þ marked bigotry may occur toward Mexican, Muslim and Mitt Romney communities Þ alcohol and sedatives may make life more bearable Þ excitability may occur among some media outlets
Stop use and seek congressional help if CEO claims bankruptcy is a legit strategy.
Keep out of reach of the NRA. In case of Second Amendment pandering, prepare to buy your own Glock.
Who should use this product?

 

Do not vote for CEO if:

Þ You enjoy regular check-ups and health insurance.

Þ You believe president and potty mouth are incompatible ideals.

Þ You have concerns about being outsourced to China.

Other information

 

Þ Based on previous experience in Florida, a CEO as politician may lead to costly and moronic lawsuits due to a penchant for issuing unconstitutional edicts involving guns, abortions, drug tests and immigration.

Þ Contrary to rhetoric, self-funding a campaign does not guarantee independence. Utilities, private prison corporations, insurance companies, managed health care organizations and anyone else with a $10,000 cashier's check could purchase political influence in a similar test study in Florida.

Þ A huge wall may be a sign of a more serious condition.

Þ Voting for a CEO can lead to massive deregulation, and denial of scientific facts.

Þ Manufacturer disavows any knowledge of Trump University, Trump Vodka and, especially, Trump Steaks.

Inactive ingredients

 

Conscience, self-awareness, humility, restraint, empathy, principles and combs.

Questions or comments

 

Contact Florida voters for additional hazards and fears.

Romano: Think Donald Trump as America's CEO will cure your ills? Think again 03/04/16 [Last modified: Friday, March 4, 2016 8:02pm]
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