Make us your home page
Instagram

Today’s top headlines delivered to you daily.

(View our Privacy Policy)

The BayWalk Gazette, all the news that's fit for satire

NEWS OF NOTE:

INSIDE THE GAZETTE:

Civil liberties suspended in city. Page 3

City Council agrees to financial deal with Nigerian prince. 7

Mayor says benefit of investing city pension fund in trombones was "probably oversold." 9

Mayor hires "long-lost" son for city post. 10

City sends council member Newton on extended "fact-finding" trip to Siberia. 11

Council member Polson moves to reconsider another decision. 13

BayWalk officials explain that their prospective tenants are actually trapped on a mysterious South Pacific island. 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

TODAY IN HISTORY:

October 2009: New BayWalk merchants promised if city turns over public sidewalk, shutting down icky protesters who were entirely to blame for hurting business.

October 2009: Council member Karl Nurse says unless city turns over public sidewalk and shuts down the First Amendment, which is to blame for the poor business at BayWalk, children will ask, "Daddy, why are the buildings boarded up?"

November 2009: Now that the city has given up sidewalk, free speech, "We are negotiating back and forth," BayWalk official says.

February 2009: BayWalk official says "high-profile restaurants" to sign deals "in the next two months."

March 2010: Third BayWalk business shuts down since city turns over public sidewalk because it was the only way to save business there.

April 2010: Fifth BayWalk business shuts down since city turns over public sidewalk because it was the only way to save business there.

April 2010: BayWalk officials say they "still plan to sign major restaurants by the summer or early fall."

ADVERTISING:

Please patronize these BayWalk merchants:

CLASSIFIEDS:

DESPERATELY SEEKING nail salons, jewelry kiosks. Contact T. McGeachy, BR-549.

I AM NO LONGER RESPONSIBLE for any debts other than my own. Paid legal notice. M. Sembler.

HELP WANTED: Guitar player with mayoral experience. Send info, pix, resume, demo. Ph.D. preferred.

CONSTITUTION. Slightly dented. Serious inquiries only. Office of the City Attorney, St. Petersburg.

HA, HA, HA. N. Elsey, The Bay Plaza Cos., Somewhere in Time.

HOT COUNCIL PHONE CHAT: Oooh, are you a city looking for a fantasy? We'll tell you what you want to hear. (727) 555-xxxx.

The BayWalk Gazette, all the news that's fit for satire 04/17/10 [Last modified: Saturday, April 17, 2010 8:31pm]
Photo reprints | Article reprints

© 2017 Tampa Bay Times

    

Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

Loading...
  1. Jordan Spieth wins British Open (w/ video)

    Golf

    SOUTHPORT, England — Someday, perhaps soon, there will be a plaque at Royal Birkdale for Jordan Spieth, much like the one off the 16th hole that celebrates Arnold Palmer and the 6-iron he slashed out of the rough in 1961 to win the British Open and usher in a new era of golf.

    Matt Kuchar plays out of the bunker on the 18th hole and finishes with bogey for 1-under 69. He had a one-shot lead after 13 holes.
  2. Fennelly: Brutal weekend could be start of something worse for Rays

    The Heater

    ST. PETERSBURG — Well, that was lovely.

    Brad Boxberger suffers his second loss in the three-game series, this time by allowing back-to-back homers in the eighth inning when called on to protect a 5-3 lead. “Just bad pitches,” he says.
  3. Wesley Chapel hockey camp impresses youth players, parents

    Lightning Strikes

    WESLEY CHAPEL — As a 17-year-old Triple-A hockey player, MacCallum Brown regularly plays against elite talent. As a Palm Harbor resident, he often has to travel to face that talent.

  4. Rays claim not to be panicking after third straight brutal loss to Rangers (w/ video)

    The Heater

    ST. PETERSBURG — There was no "here we go again" moment in the dugout as Rougned Odor's two-run homer in the eighth inning arced across Tropicana Field and toward the rightfield seats, even though when it landed, the score was tied and another late-inning Rays lead was blown.

    Rays third baseman Evan Longoria heads back to the dugout after fouling out in the ninth inning with the potential tying run on first.
  5. White House signals acceptance of Russia sanctions bill

    National

    WASHINGTON — The White House indicated Sunday that President Donald Trump would accept new legislation imposing sanctions on Russia and curtailing his authority to lift them on his own, a striking turnaround after a broad revolt in Congress by lawmakers of both parties who distrusted his friendly approach to …

    President Donald Trump’s ability to lift sanctions against Russia would be blocked.