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It is a fine jury St. Petersburg has put together. Five prominent politicians and professionals who will choose the winning design to replace the city's landmark Pier.
They are responsible. Distinguished. Respectable.
Perhaps that's why I don't like 'em.
My idea was a more everyday type of jury. A commoner's jury. A … shorter jury.
And so my six representatives have gathered in the library at Sanderlin IB World School to view a quick PowerPoint presentation of the final three designs.
It is a multicultural group. A perfect representation of three males and three females. A jury whose age ranged from 7 all the way up to 8. Or 8 ½, as one pointed out.
Their only instructions were to be completely honest. If they loved something, they should say they loved it. If they hated it, they should say they hated it.
Which led to our first snag.
"I'm not allowed to hate anything,'' said juror No. 2, Dawson Cagle.
This, we decided, was a wonderful outlook on life, and so everyone agreed there would be no hating.
As it turns out, this was an important distinction because the first candidate did not go over well.
This was "The Lens'' design, with its tiaralike look supposed to act as a lens between the city and water.
"It looks like an egg with a hole in it,'' said juror No. 6, Ethan Colvin.
The lens itself wasn't the biggest complaint. It was the looping, criss-crossing pathways that lead from the city's shore out to the main pavilion.
"It looks like you're going to fall into the water,'' said juror No. 4, Nija Harden.
"And what if a shark comes and eats you?'' asked juror No. 1, Ahmari Miller.
Safety conscious. You have to like that in a jury.
"Plus, all that twisting and turning roads would make you seasick,'' said Ahmari. "People don't want to see you barfing on the Pier.''
Right, so is there anything that could save this design?
"It could use a spa,'' said Ethan.
A spa? Like a hot tub?
"Yeah,'' Ethan said. "A spa.''
This gets the jury talking about finances. It's expensive to build something that is both entertaining and aesthetically pleasing.
"It's going to cost like, $500,'' said juror No. 3, Ava Daly.
The jurors are told the cost is closer to $50 million.
"Can I give you all of my mom's credit cards?'' Ahmari asks.
Civic minded. You have to like that in a jury, too.
Once they are assured their parents' tax dollars will be sufficient without going all Visa on the project, we take a look at "The Eye'' design.
The appearance draws mild praise, but there seems to be a perceived lack of amenities.
"Maybe if it had a spa,'' offered Ethan.
Eventually, the group turns its attention to the design known as "The Wave,'' and the reaction is immediate. Lots of oohs, lots of aahs and unanimous agreement.
Even juror No. 5, Zuri Ruiz, who has seemed skeptical about the entire process, is on board with this one.
They like the look. They like the idea of so many water sports and games.
They ask if it can be spruced up with a Statue of Liberty, but that's not a deal-breaker.
At this point, there is but one question remaining:
Does it have a spa?
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