By the way, have you heard the government wants to kill you, especially if you are a geezer — with the sniffles?
As a matter fact, the black helicopters are already hovering over every nursing home in the country, getting ready to pounce just as soon as that Leninist/Marxist/Trotskyite/Socialist/Communist/Not Even Born In This Country/Illegal President gives the high sign to George Soros, Bill Ayers, Planned Parenthood and the teachers unions to launch "Operation Health Care From Hell."
Welcome to the wacky, crazy and very hazy days of summer, or as it might otherwise be known, the chum of August, as the political sharks churn up the waters surrounding the health care debate.
Indeed, it's entirely possible by the time Congress finishes its recess and returns to work in September, the Sturm und Drang over President Barack Obama's health care initiative is going to make the Tower of Babel look like a Shakespeare love sonnet.
By the way, have you heard Obama wants to appoint Jack Kevorkian as surgeon general?
In theory at least, the next few weeks have been pitched as a time for senators and members of Congress to return to their home districts to explain the health care overhaul legislation and get a sense of the pulse of the body politic, which is a lovely, idealistic, Frank Capra-esque view of the democratic process, sheer piffle though it may be.
The Lincoln-Douglas debates, this isn't. Think of the next 30 days or so as something more akin to Luca Brasi meets Marcus Welby.
We've already gotten a glimpse of what to expect as various members of Congress attending town hall meetings with constituents to discuss health care have been confronted by right-wing radio drive-by bloviator-inspired hecklers demanding the government keep its hands off government-managed programs like Medicare. Sigh.
If these sorts of dumber-than-a-sack-of-birthers protests keep up, these folks will probably start insisting that NASA stop interfering with the space program by sending people into space.
By the way, have you heard Obama is plotting against your precious body fluids?
This isn't going to be a month of sober social intercourse as both sides of the health care debate reason together, explore the pluses and minuses of their respective positions in a search for common ground. This is going to be a mosh pit of innuendo, demagoguery, character assassination and invective. And that's just Glenn Beck talking to himself in the elevator on the way to work.
This is going to be Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? on steroids.
Millions of dollars are going to be spent with the keen, socially responsible purpose in mind of scaring the living daylights out of everyone. After all, isn't that what the radio chattering classes are for?
You will be breathlessly told by the likes of antiabortion gadfly Randall Terry that the Obama "death care" plan includes a provision allowing the government to "order" you to end your life, especially if you are older than Regis Philbin.
You will be told the health care plan will permit dark government bureaucrats to get between you and your doctor when making medical decisions. This is ridiculous, of course, since the insurance industry bureaucrats who are already getting between you and your doctor to make medical decisions won't give up their perch and God-like power easily.
You will be told Joe Biden wants to put a pillow over your grandmother's face.
You will be told this is merely the first step on the slippery slope of turning the United States into Pyongyang, only without the glittering nightlife.
By the way, have you heard Obama wants to model the nation's health care system after a Soviet-era five-year farm plan?
You will be told those politicians opposed to revising the nation's health care structure are little more than caterwauling toadies for the big insurance, big pharmaceutical, big hospital chain special interests who pad their campaign war chests with blood-soaked checks.
There is some truth to this, although the claim is being made by politicians in support of the health plan who are little more than sob-sister handmaidens to big government, big union, big bedpan, big Barbara Streisand special interests who pad their campaign war chests with chamomile tea-scented money orders.
An idle question. After you've been carpet-bombed by all the hand-wringing, fear-mongering advocacy advertising over the next month suggesting the nation's medical care will compare favorably with Albania — or that Bernie Madoff will be signing off on your appendectomy, will you be any more informed over the efficacy of other side's arguments?
By the way, have you heard Obama actually went to medical school — in Ho Chi Minh City?