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Column: A powerful reddit thread reveals what it's like to be disabled

 
Isolated wheelchair on white.
Isolated wheelchair on white.
Published April 24, 2015

The Internet community reddit has become a destination for all kinds of arcane topics, including cats dressed up as lobsters, creepy things found at garage sales and people riding invisible bicycles. But once in a while, the forum also hosts a conversation that connects people with different life experiences in mind-opening ways. Last week, one reddit user posted a thread about the lives of people with disabilities. Called "Disabled people of reddit, what is something we do that we think helps, but it really doesn't?", the thread received almost 10,000 comments in just a few days from people with a wide range of disabilities, such as missing limbs, cerebral palsy, severe back pain and rheumatoid arthritis.

Here are some of the most common suggestions that people with disabilities made about how to treat them. Some of these suggestions are incredibly insightful; others should be obvious, but apparently bear repeating. (We've edited out some comments in the thread for length and R-rated language but left spelling and punctuation as they were.)

• Don't tell someone with a disability that they are inspiring.

AuthenticSpace: RIGHT? Brave? Strong? I'm pretty sure I didn't say "Hey, universe, make me handicapped." There's nothing brave or strong about it. I exist. My strength and courage comes from what I do. Not what I am.

cakez_2035: This! I'm being praised for going to university and doing normal random everyday stuff. What am I supposed to do, sit on my (expletive) all day and wait to die?

violetauto: Or "Oh, I could never..." Well, guess what, Lady, if you had this and you "never'ed" you'd be dead. So you could ever. You would live your life too. (expletive)

• Don't try to heal people with disabilities with health foods, essential oils or yoga.

ErrantLight: Trying to push your fad diet on me like it's some sort of miracle cure. I have a hard enough time with food as is, I don't need to drink that smoothie that smells like a fish tank.

DragoonDM: Paralyzed from the waist down, eh? You know, a raw food diet would clear that right up in no time. Cleans all the toxins right out and lets your body's natural healing processes kick in.

• It's not your business to question a person's handicap parking sticker.

Megaman915: I was out driving to the mall with my seemingly non handicapped Cousin and we parked in a handicapped space. A Lady sees us both get out and throws and absolute fit and waves down a cop as we stand around laughing as we both have our own handicap placards when the cop shows up and starts seriously questioning us my cousin looks back at me and says, "Hold my leg, im going in." He then proceeded to remove his prosthetic leg and hop over to the cop and lady who both realize that they have goofed and here i am in a parking lot holding a fake leg and unavailableble to stop laughing.

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• Also, don't question service dogs, motorized scooters, or people who take the elevator to go up or down one floor.

iGrope: I used to have a service dog for a disability that didn't present itself outwardly (he could sense when I was going to have a bradycardic episode and pass out before it happen, his official title was neurological response dog) anyway, it was horrible. I actually needed him but people treated me like (expletive). I couldn't walk into a single business, get on the bus, go anywhere with him without being stopped and hostilely questioned. It kind of turned me into a shut in, its emotionally tiring enough dealing with being sick all the time without dealing with (expletive) too.

• Don't assume that only the old have disabilities.

panda-erz: I broke my back last year and people were not very nice when I would ask them for help or decline being able to help them physical chores. To them I was just a lazy 23 year old. To me I was trapped in my (expletive) body, asking my mother to carry my bag to the car because it was too heavy and couldn't physically lift it. It was a bad time all around.

• Don't assume that all disabilities are visible, particularly ones involving brain function.

Askduds: All I can visualise now is someone in a wheelchair being told its "All in their legs."

• Don't assume that someone has a disability just because they look or speak differently.

pijinglish: On the other end of the spectrum, my face was disfigured when I was a kid (bone grafts, etc) and when I walked around alone, people made the assumption that I was mentally disabled. They'd talk to me very slowly and try to help me find my mommy and daddy. It was hard to blame them outright. They were well intentioned. But ultimately it didn't make what was already a difficult situation any easier.

• Don't touch someone's wheelchair unless you have permission.

TrilliumDeBeredrach: A friend of a friend of mine who is wheelchair bound told us how people constantly offer to push her to her destination. And often times go to start push her along. One person said, "I'm helping!" as he started pushing her in her chair. She yelled back, "No, you're kidnapping!!" He stopped.

• Just being disabled is not a request for help.

hazywakeup: You hit the nail on the head right here. Being A Disabled Person In Public is not a way of saying that I need or want help. It is not an invitation to express your personal thoughts, feelings and ideas. It is something I cannot help. I am always disabled, I'm not being disabled at you when you see me, and I'm not constantly thinking about my disability or how I cope with it. Unless I directly ask for help, I'm probably just trying to go about my day.

• Instead of offering to help, try just saying hi.

aawillma: Would the best option ... just be a smile and a "good morning"? That's generally what I do if I see someone of any ability struggling. It makes no presumption that they need assistance but let's them know that I see them and am available to help if they need it.

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