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Column: A punch line for every chin

Comedian Joel McHale spared no one in his speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner over the weekend. Some of his targets, by topic:

Chris Christie

"I promise tonight will be both amusing and over quickly, just like Christie's presidential bid."

"I've got a lot of these tonight, so buckle up Chris Christie … excuse me, extender buckle up."

"Finally, a politician willing to stand up to America's commuters."

Bill Clinton

"Chelsea Clinton is pregnant … so in nine months, we will officially have a sequel to Bad Grandpa."

"It also raises the question … when the baby is born, do you give Bill Clinton a cigar?"


"Between Rob Ford, Justin Bieber and Ted Cruz, you just want to tell Canada, hey, relax, we already have a Florida." Care Act

The website has become the standard by which we measure other bad things: "Ugh, I shouldn't have eaten that sushi, I was up all night"

Joe Biden

"Right now, Joe Biden is elbow-deep in jalapeno poppers and talking to a construction cone he thinks is John Boehner."

Biden is "one heartbeat away from nobody taking him seriously as president."

Nancy Pelosi

"I'm not going to spoil the surprise on House of Cards, but just know that it was so shocking that Nancy Pelosi's face changed its expression."

"Did you like that one, Nancy? I can't tell."

Paul Ryan

"Mr. President — or, as Paul Ryan would call you, another inner city minority taking advantage of the federal government to feed and house your family."

President Barack Obama

"How about the president's performance tonight, everyone? It's amazing that you can still bring it with fresh, hilarious material. My favorite bit of yours was when you said you'd close the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay."

Print journalism

"Thanks to Obamacare, millions of Americans can visit a doctor's office and see what a print magazine actually looks like."

Secret Service

They're starting a "too drunk to make it to the brothel program."

© 2014 Washington Post

Column: A punch line for every chin 05/05/14 [Last modified: Monday, May 5, 2014 4:29pm]
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