About 20 years ago, when the syndicate that represents this column was preparing to pitch it to newspaper editors, I was called in for a meeting with the sales staff and somebody asked me this question:
"Are you liberal or are you conservative?" I said, "Yes."
I wasn't trying to be a wiseguy. Okay, maybe a little. But I was also trying to convey my impatience with our bipolar political discourse, with the idea that I was required to pick a team. I was trying to preserve for myself the right to think a thing through and come to my own conclusion regardless of ideological branding.
But at the same time, I knew what I was being asked. When they said, "Are you liberal or are you conservative?" those words had concrete meaning, embodied real political concepts.
But that is no longer the case — at least where the latter term is concerned.
Once upon a time, when a person identified as conservative, you knew the ideas he or she meant to convey — low taxes, small government, resistance to social change. But a word that once encoded a definite set of values and beliefs now seems utterly bereft of internal cohesion, less a name for an ideology than for a mood: surly, nasty and put-upon.
They don't like the rest of us. Nor do they seem to like each other all that much, feuding with a bitterness and constancy that would make even the Hatfields and McCoys tell them to tone it down. Yes, ideology still gets lip service, but its importance has become secondary, if that.
How else to explain that people who once considered Christian faith their foundation stone have coalesced behind a candidate who can't name a Bible verse? Or that people who once valued a grown-up, clear-eyed approach to foreign policy support candidates who want to "carpet bomb" the Middle East and pull out of NATO? Or that people who once decried "a culture of victimization" now whine all day about how they are victims of biased media, bullying gays and political correctness?
How to explain that people who once vowed to safeguard American moral decency from the nefarious irreverence of liberals — think President George Bush chastising The Simpsons in the era of "family values" — now put forth candidates who tell penis jokes?
A few days ago New York Times columnist David Brooks professed to be excited by this act of self-immolation — "This is a wonderful moment to be a conservative," he gushed — because after this debacle, conservatives will be able to reinvent themselves, unencumbered by "existing mental categories and presuppositions." Like when a comic book or movie franchise gets re-booted, I suppose. One had the sense of a man desperately painting lipstick on a pig.
The right is rotting from within, putrefying on its own grievance and rage. It seems bereft of core values and beliefs unless you count its determination to always oppose anything the left supports, up to and including motherhood and sunshine. That's as close to principle as conservatives come these days.
Given the way they have spurned their party's 2012 election "autopsy" report, which called for greater inclusion and a gentler tone, one wonders if these folks are capable of, or even interested in, the reinvention Brooks predicts. Conservatives do not need to be "liberal-lite" — no ideology has a monopoly on good ideas. On the other hand, when your base is the Ku Klux Klan, Ted Nugent and people sucker-punching strangers at rallies, it's a sign that a little self-reflection is overdue.
"Are you liberal or are you conservative?"
I had a smart aleck answer 20 years ago. But it occurs to me that if they asked that now, I'd have to request clarification. My world view hasn't changed.
But I no longer have any idea what "conservative" means.
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