Welcome to the 2010 Crazy Quiz, a salute of sorts to our sordid election season. Grab your pens, jog your memories, test your knowledge — and no fair trolling online for answers!
1Identify the only remark that tea party darling Christine O'Donnell, the Delaware GOP senatorial candidate, has not uttered over the years:
a. Cloning scientists have been "crossbreeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains."
b. "One of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar."
c. "We've got to take back our country from the masturbators and socialists."
d. "During the primary, I heard the audible voice of God. He said, 'Credibility.' "
e. Barack Obama is "soooo liberal, he's un-American."
2 Alvin Greene, who won the South Carolina Democratic senatorial primary despite having no money and no job, and despite having been arrested for showing porn to a non-consenting female college freshman, recently said he:
a. wants a toy manufacturer to create "little action dolls" adorned with his face as a way to create jobs.
b. plans to make amends for his arrest by hiring the student as his "adviser on women's issues."
c. wants the South Carolina legislature to make fried fish the official state food.
d. thinks that a "chain of porn emporiums" would give a big boost to his state's sluggish economy.
3 Complete this sentence with the accurate answer: Nevada tea party favorite Sharron Angle, who's challenging Harry Reid in his Senate race, believes it's "God's will"
a. that Social Security should be privatized.
b. that autistic children — she recently put the word autism in air quotes — should lose their insurance coverage.
c. that sinful Las Vegas should be eradicated in a biblical flood.
d. that raped women should give birth to their rapists' babies.
4True or false? President Obama is in such dire straits that he failed to sell out a recent fundraiser in die-hard Democratic Manhattan — and that was after the tickets were discounted, with one volunteer admitting, "It's Filene's."
5 Speaking of New York: After GOP gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino acknowledged that he and his buddies liked to swap spicy e-mails — for instance, a doctored photo of Obama clad in stereotypical pimp garb, and a legit photo of a woman having sex with a horse — he offered various explanations for his behavior. Choose two.
a. "I'm in the construction industry. We got all kinds of nonsense like that on a daily basis."
b. "A little humor always brightens the day, but I get it, some people are sensitive, so I apologize."
c. "The horse thing was bad, okay, but I meant nothing by it."
d. "We were paying very little attention, during the heat of the day."
6 According to Newt Gingrich's second wife, Marianne, who dished recently in Esquire magazine, the GOP's big thinker told her that he was leaving her for another woman (the future third wife) because, in his words,
a. "You're a Budweiser beer, and I'm in the market for a Guinness."
b. "You're prime steak, honey, but sometimes a guy just wants a rare burger."
c. "I can't handle a Jaguar right now. All I want is a Chevrolet."
d. "An RCA television was a fine product until Samsung came along."
7 True or false? Steve Forbes, the conservative magazine magnate, wrote three weeks ago that Obama is the offspring of a "philandering, inebriated African socialist," and that because Obama is clearly carrying out his father's ideological mission, "the U.S. is being ruled according to the dreams of a Luo tribesman of the 1950s."
ANSWERS: 1. (c) 2. (a) 3. (d) 4. True 5. (a) and (d) 6. (c) 7. False. Those quotes come from the Forbes magazine cover story written by Dinesh D'Souza; Forbes himself wrote a separate column in that issue comparing Obama to Vladimir Lenin.
© 2010, The Philadelphia Inquirer