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Dan Ruth: Back to the future for pier proposals

 
Published March 5, 2015

Do you get the sneaky feeling this is a bit like voting for your favorite horrible vegetable? Green peas (bleh)? Or brussels sprouts (ugh)? Asparagus (gag reflex)? Or lima beans (uh, no)? Egg plant (choke)? Or turnips (brrrr)?

That is the bitter pickle St. Petersburg residents have been asked to bite into by participating in a city-sponsored, nonbinding online vote to express their preference among the seven possible replacements for the inverted pyramid Pier, Hamlet's answer to a Rube Goldberg bucket of — nothing.

For the record, today marks the last day St. Petersburg residents can weigh in on this vital, pressing civic debate, which is more akin to trying to choose between what's uglier — the Tampa Bay Bucs offensive line, Donald Trump's hair, or Meat Loaf?

Decisions, decisions.

The outcome of the online survey has no legal bearing on what a city selection committee ultimately decides when it picks three finalists for the pier project March 20. Think of the vote as having all the influence of casting a dissenting ballot against Vladimir Putin in a Russian presidential election. Still, it is reasonable to assume the results of the vote might have some intangible impact in narrowing the field of contenders.

That only makes sense. After all, no one wants to see a repeat of the Lens debacle when a group of angry city swells rose up, finger bowls in hand, to scuttle what would have been a rather iconic replacement for the pyramid, otherwise known as a Lego exercise gone terribly awry.

Kristen Brett, a consultant hired by the city to shepherd the project, noted at the start of the voting some 1,200 people a day logged-on to state their preference. In recent days though, the turnout has dropped off to about 650 people, which might be viewed as a call to simply stop the dithering.

After all, what are these people really voting for? Of the seven proposed designs, most retain all or some portion of the existing pyramid, which is a bit like putting lipstick on Sasquatch and expecting Scarlett Johansson to show up.

Alma is one proposal that doesn't include any pyramid ruins, which is fine if a giant Pez dispenser looming over the St. Petersburg shoreline is your idea of spiffy.

Perhaps the most aptly named rendering is something called Destination St. Pete Pier, which includes a Lens-like loop around the pyramid and thus, visitors to the structure would find themselves doubling back to the destination from whence they started in the first place.

Of course there is a group of huffing and puffing grumps out there who would oppose any alternative to the Pier and its inverted pyramid, even if it involved transplanting the Statue of Liberty to St. Petersburg.

Keep It St. Pete? Keep what St. Pete? Unless the name suggests this group wants the city to remain in a time warp, a city with a bad case of municipal varicose veins, a city content to pay homage to its dust.

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Whatever the shortcomings of the proposed designs, at least they are preferable to a monument to the Stonehenge of Banality-on-the-Bay. And that is always worth voting for.