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Dan Ruth: The Pier's time has passed: Move on

 
Published March 26, 2015

This what happens when well-intentioned good faith collides headlong into St. Petersburg's Snell Isle/Old Northeast rump government.

For 12 agonizing hours, five city residents appointed by Mayor Rick Kriseman and led by Mike Connors, the city's public works administrator who chairs the Pier Selection Committee, attempted to perform an act of civic duty by ranking the finalists to replace the pier monstrosity, which by any reasonable interpretation looms over the waterfront as a crime against architecture.

Rarely has something so self-evident as blowing up the inverted pyramid and replacing it with something reflecting the city's commitment to its elegant arts reputation been subjected to so much whining and parochial dilly-dallying.

In theory, as envisioned by Kriseman, the committee would review all the proposed designs and firms, then rank the finalists for the pier project. The City Council would then authorize the mayor to negotiate with the top-ranked firm, or throw it all out and start over.

It is a process that no one objected to — until it appeared the committee was about to reject the Destination St. Pete Pier design, which had emerged as the favorite of the spats-and-ascot crowd, including three-time failed mayoral candidate Kathleen Ford, who complained that Connors had never been a supporter of the concept.

There may be some truth to that. Connors had tried to explain to the Snell Isle/Old Northeast government in denial that Destination St. Pete Pier had several problematic issues, including allowing private vehicles on a narrow pathway as well the efficacy of retaining the aging infrastructure of the inverted stupid thingy.

Also in some dispute is the irrational desire on the part of the Ford Administration-In-Exile that whatever gets built better have a fancy-schmancy restaurant included in the final product. Do you expect if the acolytes of No, no, no, no! had a say, they would not have approved Mount Rushmore unless it had an entrance to a Macaroni Grill restaurant through Thomas Jefferson's nose?

When Casey Gonzmart, whose family owns the Columbia Restaurant chain and is associated with the Alma design team, tried to explain the logistical problems of managing an eatery at the end of the Pier, Ford grumbled something about dirty lavatories.

So where are we? Probably no place very near to resolving the pier silliness.

At the end of pondering all the designs, which had to feel as if it was one dreary looping of My Dinner With Andre, the pier committee settled on three finalists — Alma, Pier Park and Destination St. Pete Pier. But the committee did not rank a favorite, opting instead to recess and come back another day to dither.

Of course, even when the committee eventually gives its nod to one of the designs, the entire process shifts to the St. Petersburg City Council. That means more posturing, more speeches and the Snell Isle/Old Northeast Elba contingent stomping their feet and holding their breath until they get their way.

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Now there are rumblings about submitting the whole pier issue to another public vote. At this rate, why bother with having a city council if every controversial issue gets to a referendum? Why not have weekly referendum to run the village?

It is still not too late for Mayor Kriseman to consider retaining the services of retirees from SEAL Team Six, the Mossad, MI6 and some South Side Chicago street gangs to simply make the inverted pyrrhic-mid — ahem — disappear.

It's not that the inverted pyramid would be missed all that much— except perhaps over at the Snell Isle/Old Northeast kvetching cabinet.