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Dear Rick: You're great. Love, Rick

It's probably an unfortunate indication you have all the grass roots support of Hosni Mubarak attempting a leisurely stroll through Tahrir Square when you are reduced to writing yourself your own fan letter.

But that didn't stop Florida Gov. Rick Scott, R-Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, from crafting a love letter to himself, praising his brilliant performance so far in office, his visionary leadership, his courage of a thousand lions and, of course, a degree of honesty that would make Diogenes look like Jack Nicholson in The Departed.

About the only thing absent from the gushing missive scribbled by Scott, R-Justin Bieber, was a paragraph extolling his flowing, blond locks. You might say Rick Scott is really into Rick Scott.

In a delusional public relations stunt rivaling the LeBron James move to Miami ESPN fiasco, the governor recently posted on his website an effusively glowing form letter about the Camelot-meets-Brigadoon glory months of his administration. He requested his supporters essentially plagiarize the wording as their own and send the letter to various newspapers around the state.

After that Medicare fraud business while running Columbia/HCA, what's a bit of small-potatoes cribbing?

It is a bit odd the governor would have the remotest interest in communicating with the state's newspapers, since Scott prides himself on being less informed than Sarah Palin on colonial history when it comes to keeping up with Florida's news pages.

This is a chief executive who claims he never reads a paper, not even Blondie, and refused invitations to meet with editorial boards during his campaign, apparently regarding the experience as something akin to the moment Anthony Weiner had to explain things to his wife after she returned from her diplomatic business trip.

The epistle crafted by Scott, R-I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter, notes that: "Rick is refreshing because he's keeping his word."

No doubt teachers, union members and state employees who have been treated by the governor as if they were enemies of the state would not view Scott, R-I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty, as a "refreshing" public servant.

And environmentalists would hardly associate the odor around the governor as "refreshing" after watching him and the special-interest-compromised Legislature gut state growth management laws to turn Florida into a subtropical nuclear winter of strip malls.

But wait! There's more!

Because, as Scott, R-Narcissus whines, "special interests are attacking the governor," he demands his literary bootleggers to pledge their "unwavering and enthusiastic support."

Jeez, Hugo Chavez isn't this egocentric.

Just who these evil "special interests" are isn't exactly clear, unless the governor is referring to all those aforementioned commie teachers, the fifth-column unionists, those ungrateful layabout civil servants who spend the day smoking pot and complaining about having to take a pay cut and the anarchist tree huggers who can't see the forest for the cement.

And, yes, it is entirely possible that Scott, R-the Dorian Gray of Tallahassee, might include the dreaded newspapers on his list of "special interests" since they keep quoting him and reporting on his efforts to turn the state into Potemkin Village of asphalt.

The governor urged his minions to dash off their pre-prepared letters of undying love and affection for him to newspapers around the state that he won't talk to.

Alas the St. Petersburg Times was not included in the list of papers to receive the Scott robo-letter. XXXXXs and OOOOOOs optional.

Ah, but there is a problem. Sooner or later editors of the letters to the editor departments, even the letters editor at the sandwich board where I used to work, are certain to notice they are receiving the same letter canonizing the governor from different people.

And someone is bound to say something like: "Hey, wait a minute. Something looks sorta hinky here."

Did Scott really expect newspapers around the state to repeatedly print the same letter over and over again? Not very likely.

Had the governor or one of his propaganda subministers bothered to make the effort, they could have easily found out the letters to the editor policies at most Florida newspapers.

All they would have to do is pick up the phone.

Dear Rick: You're great. Love, Rick 06/23/11 [Last modified: Thursday, June 23, 2011 5:12pm]
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