Florida lawmakers convene this week in Tallahassee, an event traditionally kicked off by a barrage of wacko gun legislation.
This year, some of it actually stands a chance of passing.
The worst by far is a bill filed in both the House and Senate that would eliminate all "gun-free" zones in the state. If passed, people with concealed weapons permits would be able to carry firearms to pro sports events, bars, police stations, K-12 public schools, public colleges and universities, courthouses, polling places, government meetings, seaports and airport passenger terminals.
To single out just one of the many pathways to random bloodshed, Republican lawmakers seem determined to make handguns accessible wherever mass quantities of alcohol are being consumed.
What would normally be a sloppy fistfight in the stands at a Dolphins game could literally be a .45-caliber shootout next season. And if you think campus keg parties aren't lively enough, throw a couple of loaded Glocks into the mix.
Polls show widespread opposition to abolishing gun-free zones, a view shared by college officials, business leaders and many in law enforcement.
But the politicians pushing for more firearms in public are serving a higher master: the NRA.
Its unabashed darling in the Senate is mild-mannered Dennis Baxley, who is, fittingly, an undertaker by trade. His Ocala funeral parlor could see an uptick in business if guns are allowed in bars.
On the House side, Speaker Richard Corcoran insists criminals and mass shooters are attracted to gun-free zones because they know civilians there won't be armed. Lawmakers say the Pulse nightclub massacre in Orlando and the shooting at the Fort Lauderdale airport might have been prevented if the victims had been carrying weapons.
This Charles Bronson fantasy is avidly promoted by the NRA. It relies on the false premise that anyone with a concealed weapons permit is both calm enough and skilled enough to fire a handgun in crowded mayhem and actually hit the right person.
The airport mass shooting, committed by an unhinged legal gun owner, took less than 90 seconds. The victims, some on their way to meet a cruise ship, had just gotten off a Delta flight.
Even if any of them had brought a weapon, it would have been packed inside their checked luggage, as was the shooter's semiautomatic Walther. The killing was over before many of the bags landed on the carousel.
So much for the Bronson scenario.
It took an army of cops to bring down the Pulse shooter (another licensed gun owner), yet we're supposed to believe he could have been taken out by a single armed club patron, pointing a handgun in dimly lit clamor at a fast-moving assailant firing an assault rifle.
Well, maybe in the movies.
NRA-backed lawmakers won key committee assignments in the new Legislature, which means that several of this session's bad gun laws have a better-than-usual chance of passing.
One such bill, opposed by prosecutors, makes it easier for shooters to claim a "stand your ground" defense. It resurfaces now, as a retired Tampa police captain is on trial for fatally shooting a man during a confrontation in a movie theater.
The victim was armed with a bag of popcorn and a cellphone.
Even if the state's gun-free zones are abolished, companies and private business owners can't legally be required to allow customers with weapons on their property. Never fear — one GOP senator has a devious compliance tactic.
Sen. Greg Steube of Bradenton, a favorite pet of the NRA, has filed a bill aimed to punish the many retailers, restaurants, nightclubs, theme parks, movie theaters and other businesses that prohibit firearms. Among the big names potentially affected would be Disney, Costco and Whole Foods.
Steube's measure would allow anyone holding a concealed weapons permit to sue a gun-banning establishment if he or she gets shot, or otherwise assaulted, on the premises. The legal claim would be that they could have protected themselves had they been armed.
It's a tort lawyer's dream. If your drunken stepbrother sneaks a stolen pistol into a bar and shoots you in the rear, you get to sue the bar because you were deprived of the chance to shoot him first.
That scenario fits Will Ferrell better than Charles Bronson, but it's closer to reality than the NRA can ever admit.
© 2017 Miami Herald