Those are the legends of the Madden Bowl, and back in the day, they dished out their video game whoopings with a side order of smack talk.
It was a kindler, gentler crowd at Thursday's 15th annual Madden Bowl, as seven NFL players and collegian Matt Stafford squared off for the title.
Instead of smack talk, we got concession speeches.
Willie Parker acted confused by his Xbox 360 controller, even asking me for help at one point.
"I'm not very good," Stafford said.
DeMarcus Ware said he barely knew how to turn the game on.
Justin Tuck claimed to be there for comedic relief.
Then the games started, and it turned out about half were telling the truth. Ware and Tuck both made it out of the first round, with Tuck making it all the way to the championship.
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Red carpets and video games go together like … like … okay, they don't go together at all.
But at the Honey Pot, that's how players entered the playing arena.
Some came in and mingled with fans.
Willie Parker? Great guy.
Derrick Brooks? Super, as usual. Others A-X-Y-LL on by to the "Players Only" lounge.
•••
They say the greatest game ever created in the history of game creation is a cultural phenomenon because it's so realistic.
Which means this: Bucs, get ready to open your pocketbooks if you want to keep Antonio Bryant around.
Let's see if you follow me here: Ware (Dallas), Parker (Pittsburgh), Maurice Jones-Drew (Jacksonville), Tuck (New York Giants) and Antonio Gates (San Diego) all played with their real-life teams.
Bryant played with his old team, Dallas.
Hmmmm.
I'm just saying, sounds like the first salvo in a long contract negotiation process to me.
•••
Willis McGahee, defending champion, was not allowed to compete.
One and done.
That wasn't the case in years past, when Green and Smith were allowed to win multiple titles. Conspiracy?
"The one time I win one and suddenly they want to ban me," McGahee, the Ravens running back, said.
Personally, I'm supporting McGahee on this one.
a) Because the guy took a vicious hit two weeks ago. Have you no mercy, Electronic Arts?
b) To be the man, you have to beat the man.
•••
Uber agent Drew Rosenhaus was in the haus.
He doesn't play, but he was smart enough to agree with me that Tecmo Bowl legend Bo Jackson is the greatest video game athlete of all time.
Ever.
How much could Rosenhaus get Video Game Bo?
Billions.
McGahee disagreed about Bo, and though he's wrong, I gotta give the guy credit for flexing some serious old school credentials by choosing Tecmo Bowl Christian Okoye.
•••
The winner Thursday night?
Who else: Bryant, 28-7, forcing Tuck to lay down his controller with 13 seconds left.
Bryant became the fifth Buc player to win the prized trophy. I ain't saying that the Bucs own this thing and the whole tournament should just change its name to the Bucs Bowl, but …
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