Good morning. Happy holidays. Merry Christmas. • As you open your presents this morning, and drink your eggnog and watch A Christmas Story over and over, think about how lucky little Ralphie was to get that official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle! • Now let's think about our sports stars and personalties and what we can get them this Christmas Day.
Nice luggage for that move to Toronto. Kidding! I think. Maybe not. … Long underwear? Flip flops? A touque? Golf clubs? Ear muffs? Sun screen? Rays season tickets? Blue Jays? … Okay, I have no idea what to get Stamkos because he, his agent or Steve Yzerman won't tell us.
A time machine to take him back to find his bat from 2009.
A secondary that doesn't include retreads from his Chicago Bears days. In other words, a real secondary.
His turn on the clock and the highest-rated player on his draft board being a pass rusher.
A thank-you note (with an apology) from all the Bulls fans who wanted him fired after USF's 1-3 start. Sorry, USF fans, you have a good football coach. Like it or not.
One extra run a game.
One extra goal a game.
To follow up his sensational rookie season with a quiet and boring offseason. Here, Jameis, play Xbox for the next, oh, six months.
An owner who gives him a couple of extra bucks to play with.
A couple of extra bucks.
Health to his kids. And when we say "kids,'' we mean the Triplets.
Florida coach Jim McElwain
Something nice from the Quarterback Store.
FSU coach Jimbo Fisher
He'll have what Jim McElwain is having.
A new mantle to someday display the Norris Trophy.
A supportive fan base … for the first time in his career.
A thick skin to ignore all the nincompoops in town who still think this guy isn't an elite player.
A sudden case of dyslexia so he can backward read all the front-office charts on when to pull starting pitchers.
A pen, a truckload of dough and a permanent locker at One Buc Place.
Another 10 years sitting courtside calling games on ESPN. And the energy to keep up his fight against pediatric cancer. And, you know, you could help him by donating at DickVitaleOnline.com.
Stay away from the energy drinks by getting all hopped on this case of Mountain Dew.
Being in a different NCAA regional from UConn. In other words, a Final Four appearance.
What do you get for a guy who has everything?
What do you get for a guy who needs everything?
Sorry, Rays fans, but this really is a Good Joe who deserves to win a World Series with the Cubs. Hey, they're gonna win one someday. Wouldn't you like to see one of our guys do it?
Tampa Bay sports fans
A new Rays stadium. … Another Lightning Cup run. … A new Rays stadium. … A Bucs playoff spot. … A new Rays stadium. ... Sorry, but they really want a new Rays stadium. St. Pete. Tampa. We don't care where. As long as it's not in Montreal. Please. Pretty please. We promise we won't put our eye out!