Sunday, June 17, 2018
Sports

The Sports Turkeys of the Year

Today is a day when we give thanks. We gather with family and friends, share food and appreciate all the good things we have. Well, that's what some of us do. Thanksgiving is also about turkeys. Acted like a blockhead? Said something stupid? Tweeted something stupid? Congratulations, you've been nominated for Sports Turkey of the Year.

Here are the nominees and our pick for the 2013 Sports Turkey of the Year.

Sergio Garcia

At the European Tour's Players' Awards dinner, Garcia was asked if he would invite Tiger Woods over for dinner during the U.S. Open. Garcia replied, "We will have him 'round every night. We will serve fried chicken." Sergio thought it was funny. Yeah, perpetuating racial stereotypes is just hilarious.

Alex Rodriguez

Do we start with his old lies or new denials? Everyone named in the Biogenesis steroid scandal took his punishment, but we are somehow supposed to believe that A-Rod was the only one in that scandal not using PEDs? He stormed out of a recent hearing with MLB like a 4-year-old and suggested that commissioner Bud Selig has it in for him because Selig hates New York and hates players who make a lot of money. Here's a thought: Maybe Bud hates cheaters.

Ryan Braun

A former National League MVP flat-out lied in 2012 when he said he didn't take performance-enhancing drugs. When Braun's name came up in the Biogenesis case, he accepted a 65-game ban. As far as we're concerned, he has a lifetime ban from our good graces.

Richie Incognito

The white Dolphins offensive lineman bullied an African-American teammate, calling him, among other things, the n-word. That teammate, Jonathan Martin, was so intimidated that he left the team. If that wasn't bad enough, there are reports that Incognito sexually harassed a Dolphins employee at a charity event. How old is this guy, 13?

Maurkice and Mike Pouncey

These two knuckle­heads prove that identical twins not only look alike, they think — or don't think — alike. The NFL stars and former Gators supported former college teammate Aaron Hernandez by wearing "Free Hernandez" hats after Hernandez was arrested and charged with murder. Stay classy, fellas.

Tiger Woods

I was going to make a crack about how Tiger often has his relief drops called into question, but he might threaten to sue me like he did Golf Channel's Brandel Chamblee.

Damon Bruce

Radio talk-show hosts sometimes say stupid things. (Trust me, I know about that.) But there's a difference between dumb and hateful. Bruce, a caveman from San Francisco, went on an eight-minute rant criticizing women in sports media that included: "I'm willing to share my sandbox, as long as you remember you're in my box." You know what, Damon? Get out of my sandbox.

Dennis Rodman

Just when you thought sports was rid of this freak show, Rodman starts hanging out with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. Does he know the deal with North Korea? You know, the whole blow-up-the-world stuff?

Matt Barnes

The Clippers player got in a fight sticking up for teammates, then immediately went to Twitter, saying he was done sticking up for "these (a slang for the n-word)'' because all it did was cost him money. It did more than that. It made him look like a horse's rear.

Mike Rice

It was discovered in April that the Rutgers basketball coach berated, pushed and kicked players, and threw basketballs at them. He was fired after much hand-wringing. Now the school has another scandal involving an assistant football coach accused of bullying. Gee whiz, who does the hiring at Rutgers?

Riley Cooper

Be a white guy football player. Go to a concert. Get drunk. Want to start a fight. Use the n-word. Have someone videotape it. Know who does things like that? Turkeys.

Von Miller

The Broncos star allegedly tried to cheat a drug test by using urine that … actually, well, because I'm sure you have a big turkey dinner planned, I'll spare you the details. Let's just say it's gross. And turkey-worthy.

Kentucky High School Athletic Association

A high school runner in Kentucky was competing in a region track meet and drew the number "666.'' Because of her religious beliefs, she didn't want to wear a number associated with the devil. Even if she wasn't religious, wearing that number is just creepy, right? She asked for a new number but claims she was denied. (The high school association said she never asked for a number change.) Here's my thinking: if a girl refuses to wear a number because of her strong religious beliefs, I don't suspect her of lying.

And, our 2013 Turkey of the Year is …

Alex Rodriguez. We were going to go with Incognito, but he seems too dumb to know what he's doing. A-Rod had the world by the tail and he still managed to mess it all up. Now if he would just go away. Please. For that, I would be ever so thankful.

     
                               
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