Friday, November 17, 2017

pop quiz, pop quips


1. What was the biggest thing Tom Brady did in 2015?

A. Won a fourth Super Bowl.

B. Gave Roger Goodell an old-fashioned beatdown in Deflategate.

C. Put in a good word for his buddy, Donald Trump, for president.

2. Vin Scully says 2016 will be his last season after 67 years in the broadcast booth. What did Vinny see in 1950 that he doesn't see today?

A. Grainy black-and-white TV images that looked like they came from the surface of the moon.

B. Signs on outfield walls offering free suits to any player who hits them.

C. Starting pitchers who actually finish games.

3. Jim Harbaugh left the San Francisco 49ers, returning to the college ranks at Michigan. Why?

A. Fewer drunken players beating their significant others to worry about.

B. Coaching amateurs pays better than coaching pros.

C. Michigan agreed to a clause in Harbaugh's contract guaranteeing him free khaki pants from Wal-Mart for life.

4. What did Pete Carroll learn from his decision to throw instead of run against the Patriots near the end of the Super Bowl?

A. NFL coaches have a tendency to overthink things.

B. Three yards and a cloud of dust isn't just a slogan.

C. Marshawn Lynch really does need to speak up sometimes.

5. Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Manny Pacquiao met in a long-anticipated fight. What was best thing about Mayweather's win?

A. His shoulder-roll defense was so impressive people didn't mind paying $99.95 to watch.

B. His $220 million payday meant members of the Money Team would finally get some money.

C. He finally got in the conversation to fight Ronda Rousey.

6. What was the best move made by the Chicago Cubs in a turnaround year at Wrigley Field?

A. Installing new ivy on the outfield fence that is green year-round.

B. Finding mustache pajamas with footsies for Jake Arietta to wear after no-hitting the Dodgers.

C. Keeping Kris Bryant down on the farm just long enough to get him cheap for another year.

7. The Miami Marlins announced they would bring Barry Bonds back to baseball as a hitting coach. Why?

A. Giants still rave about how Bonds shared hitting tips with his teammates.

B. A lot of younger Marlins have been asking the difference between the cream and the clear.

C. To show you no longer need a swelled head to be in baseball.

8. Kobe Bryant announced his retirement after 20 years in the NBA. What will he be remembered for most?

A. Winning five championships with the Los Angeles Lakers.

B. Buying his wife a $4 million apology diamond ring.

C. Wielding a sharp pen as editorial director of The Players' Tribune website.

9. What was the most significant stride college players made in 2015?

A. Winning the right to field coed synchronized swimming teams.

B. Forcing schools to guarantee four-year scholarships, even if players need 10 years to use them.

C. Getting an XBox as payment for playing in the national title game.

10. Pete Rose lost his bid to be reinstated to baseball. What is it commissioner Rob Manfred feared most about allowing Rose to return?

A. Sport would lose cachet by having a 74-year-old nicknamed Charlie Hustle.

B. Fans might find out Rose didn't use steroids to get 4,256 hits.

C. Rose would lose all his money betting on the hapless Cincinnati Reds.

11. Tyson Fury is the new heavyweight champion of the world. What was most interesting about his win over Wladimir Klitschko?

A. That a fighter named Tyson is heavyweight champion once again.

B. That there still is a heavyweight champion.

C. That there is someone who has a bigger mouth and is more politically incorrect than Donald Trump

12. How did Tiger Woods spend a lot of his time during 2015?

A. Waxing his Gulfstream G5.

B. Introducing himself to other players on the PGA Tour.

C. Reading books written by Hank Haney and Steve Williams.

13. A corruption scandal in soccer erupted in 2015, leading to arrests and getting FIFA leader Sepp Blatter banned from the sport for eight years by the organization's ethics committee. What was most surprising about the scandal?

A. That a group of officials from third-world countries might be tempted to take bribes.

B. That soccer may not be the pure, pristine sport its fans believe it to be.

C. That FIFA actually has an ethics committee.

14. 2015 was the year daily fantasy exploded. What was behind the big growth?

A. Ads that ran every 10 minutes on TV promising a shipload of money.

B. People finally became convinced it wasn't gambling because they put up "entry fees" instead of bets.

C. A lot more fantasy geeks living in their parents' basement than anyone thought.

15. The Summer Olympics are approaching in Rio next year. What did we learn about the Olympics in 2015?

A. There's a reason the Russians did so well in Sochi.

B. That the citizens of Boston are smarter than your average Olympic shills.

C. That your toilet bowl is cleaner than the waters around Rio.

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