By Olivia Smith, St. Petersburg High

Report cards came out last week. And many people (myself included) are not exactly thrilled with some teachers for the grades they gave us.

* “She was supposed to curve this!”
* “I so DID turn that in!”
* “I really didn’t feel like doing his busywork assignment."

Oh well. At least we can take some solace in the fact that most of our teachers aren’t as bad as the ones in these movies.

1. Dolores Umbridge, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Where do I even begin with this *itch? (I mean witch; what are you thinking?)
Umbridge taught Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. Although the Florida school system does not offer a course as awesome as DADA, I think we all can relate to having a professor like Umbridge. One who speaks to us like we’re in second grade. One even other teachers obviously dislike. And of course one who punishes us Bart Simpson-style by forcing us to write with our own blood. Actually, I hope nobody has experienced that last one.

2. Elizabeth Halsey, Bad Teacher
Okay boys, close your eyes for a moment and think with your head. Elizabeth smokes pot on school property, steals, cheats (on exams and with other people’s boyfriends), punishes her students physically for getting the answers wrong and sooo much more. Although she would no doubt be amazing as a sub for a few days, as a full-time teacher she would induce stress ulcers as well as bruises.

3. Richard Vernon, The Breakfast Club
I know Mr. Vernon is the principal, but it would be a federal offense not to include him on this list. Vernon not only is the stereotypical “man”  (negative connotation intended) but he also is a criminal. He threatens to beat up Bender, locks him in a closet and steals personal files regarding other teachers. He constantly berates Bender (admittedly, to a certain extent, sometimes Bender deserves it). I could say a lot more but as everyone knows: If you mess with the bull, you get the horns.

4. Phil Wenneck, The Hangover
Phil is a fantastic friend, an excellent wingman and a great drunk driver (his words, not mine). But a fantastic teacher? No. In one of the movie’s first scenes, he is shown stuffing hundreds of dollars that are supposed to be used for a field trip into his “Vegas fund.” He probably isn’t the kind of teacher you could discuss you home problems with after school, either. Who can forget “It’s the weekend Buttnick, I do not know you, you do not exist.”?

5. Economics Teacher, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Of all the teachers on this list, this man is definitely the nicest. From what we see, at least. He is simply credited as “economics teacher” in the credits, a generic character. We all have at least three teachers like this: As if the subject matter isn’t coma inducing enough, this guy’s voice is like robotic white noise. It’s making me tired just typing abou ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.