Dear James Franco,

I’m appealing to you as a true fan of you and your work. You’ll get this offer from many girls, I’m sure, but hear me out, James. I know you’re an Academy Award nominee (Lead for 127 Hours — I know the details!) I’ve seen some episodes of Freaks and Geeks. I actually thought you did a decent job as an Oscar host. The other girls only want you for your money and your looks. I want you for your talent and your stoner-dude charm.

Will you go to prom with me? No, I can’t pay you. No, I’m not dying of some rare disease. No, I’m not the daughter of someone powerful enough to threaten you or bribe you. But I do know all of Pineapple Express by heart and quote it on a daily basis. I feel like that has to count for something. Your portrayal of Saul is one of my favorite performances by any actor ever, and while that may sound silly, I’m being completely serious.

Our prom date doesn’t even have to be romantic, James. Just let me be your Seth Rogen. To paraphrase your line in Pineapple Express, let me dip my pen in your ink, bro. I’ll admit, your Spring Breakers look is not ideal. But I won’t begrudge you the dreads if you pay for dinner. Limo is optional — I think it would be classy to arrive in style, but I’m okay with driving if you’re okay with being seen in my 2002 Honda Accord. And get this: my prom is on 4/20, National Marijuana Day. It’s obviously meant to be. I personally will not partake in such illegal substances, but you’re more than welcome to indulge yourself. I won’t tell the authorities or school administrators.

This is a big opportunity for both of us, James. I know you’re a famous Hollywood star and I’m just an 18-year-old St. Pete High senior with a love of movies and a dream. But our senses of humor are perfectly in tune and I know we’d get along swimmingly. For one night, forget about the gorgeous Victoria’s Secret models you probably have access to and I’ll forget you were ever in any of the Spider-Man movies. My house, April 20, 2012. Meet me there at 8. (Email tbtwo if you’re interested and I’ll have my people call your people to set things up.)

P.S. If you can’t make it (or even if you can), I’d be more than happy to have your brother Dave join us. ;)

Mina Asayesh-Brown, St. Petersburg High senior